


Let Me Be Your Shelter

by TheBadPlaceWelcomesYou



Category: The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Blood, Claustrophobia, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Love, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Suicide, Mild Language, Panic Attacks, Period talk, Platonic Relationships, Romance, Slow Burn, Teenagers, Verbal Humiliation, minor verbal sexual harassment, romantic relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-03-28 04:17:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 29,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13896081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBadPlaceWelcomesYou/pseuds/TheBadPlaceWelcomesYou
Summary: It’s an odd feeling. Knowing that I’m the only girl. Knowing that no matter what I do, I’ll always be an outsider inside these walls. The boys try so hard to make things better, and I love them for it, but sometimes it’s just not enough. I pray every month for another girl to appear out of the box, so maybe I won’t feel so alone, and every month I’m disappointed.I have to get out of here. But I’m terrified of leaving him behind, and I know he’ll refuse to leave.





	1. Day 1

I’ll never forget that deafening sound when the siren awoke me. My body was heavy and my head was pulsing from a searing pain. It felt like coming out of hibernation. I inhaled quickly, and exhaled just as fast, trying to regain control of my breath. I could feel the cold, grated floor vibrating underneath me. My eyes shot open in an instant, with the top half of my body following suit. I was in a dark cage in what appeared to be some kind of elevator shaft. It was cold, but humid and the only other things inside were three wooden crates, and a few supplies spread out out across the floor.

Alone. I was alone.

I curled myself into a ball, but clung my hands to the sides of the cage. As it moved upward, my heart began to pound and I could feel myself nearly hyperventilating. The closer I got to the top, the closer I felt to death.

Alone. I was alone.

I tried to remember how I’d gotten myself into this situation. I tried to remember where I was when I had fallen asleep. I tried to remember who I was with. Had I been with my parents? Who were my parents? My name. What was my name? I tried to remember something; anything.

Alone. I was alone.

As the realization set in, I was less than seconds away from hitting the top of the shaft. I squeezed my eyes together tightly and held on for dear life. The cage had come to an abrupt stop. I peeked open one eye to see what was happening. It only took a second for a bright light to fill the cage, nearly blinding me, as a hatch opened itself up. A figure, a boy silhouetted by the sun, opened the top of the cage himself. I kept myself huddled in the back corner. After he had opened it, I had gotten a clearer image of him. He was tall, had dirty blonde hair, and an all around threatening demeanor. My hands squeezed the cage tighter, if that was even possible.

He didn’t look at me straight off. He was more focused on making sure the cage door had gotten out of his way. But, as soon as he glanced over at me, his eyes changed from cold and rather nonchalant to shock and confusion.

“Newt. Alby. Get over here. Now!” My body jumped at the sound of his deep voice shouting out into the distance. He wouldn’t stop staring down at me and I was terrified to even think about leaving his gaze.

Two more boys ran up to him. The second had pale skin, was lanky with blonde hair, and trailed behind due to his limp. The third boy had darker skin and the stature of a leader. His scowl seemed to match the first boys. Despite that however, his body language made him seem more secure and welcoming.

“What-” the boy with the limp had been immediately cut off.

“It’s a girl.”

In a panic my eyes finally fell from the first boy’s. I glanced over to my side to see a knife sitting on top one of the large crates that was next to me.

“Well, this is new,” I heard the one with the limp say. He had an accent. English, maybe? How could I have remembered the type of accent the kid had, but not who I was, or where I had come from?

I looked over at the knife again. I was shaking, I was terrified, I didn’t know these boys, I didn’t even know myself really, but I did know the only smart thing to do was make sure I could protect myself. I sprung to grab the knife. The boys all jumped back putting their hands up, not as if to say they surrendered, but they were certainly afraid of what I might have done next.

“Whoa there, Greenie,” the first boy spoke.

“Who are you?!” I projected, aiming the knife at them.

“Hey,” the leader said firmly, but calmly. “Look we’re on the same side here.”

“And what side would that be?” I asked.

He took a second to look at the other boys in hopes that they would chime in. They didn’t. “Look, my name is Alby,” he replied. “This is Newt,” he pointed to the boy with the limp on his right. “And this is Gally,” he referenced to the boy with the strong stare. “You don’t remember your name do you? Do you remember anything?

“No,” I said firmly, despite the few tears that were now running down my face. “Why don’t I remember?” I kept the knife pointed at them.

“We’ll explain everything to you, but you have to come up.”

I lowered the knife and looked between the three of them to gauge their reactions. I had no reason to trust them, but I also knew that I couldn’t stay in that cage forever, so I made what I knew was probably a stupid decision.

Gally crouched down and reached out his hand. I hesitated, but I did take it. He was strong and it only took him one try to pull me out of the box. I stumbled into him as I made it onto the grass. Our eyes locked again. I waited for him to say something but we were interrupted by three more boys running toward us.

“Hey what’s going on?” “Is that a…” Their voices had trailed off in my head. I was far too focused on the world around me. I was in the center of some kind of field blocked off by stone walls that were easily 200 feet tall. It was empty, with the exception of the six boys that stood next to me, and a small wooden overhead structure that stood just in front of a wooded area on the further end. I turned around, trying to get a whole view of the place. That’s when I spotted the open doors against the walls. A way out.

I looked back at the boys as their voices faded back into my ears. They were all yelling at and over each other.

“What the hell are we gonna do about this Alby?!” “This changes everything!” “I call dibs!””You can’t call dibs on a person, can you?” “Everybody just calm down!” “What does this mean?!”

It was too much for me; everyone talking about me as if I wasn’t there.

Alone. I was alone.

I ran. Right toward the exit with no intention of looking back on these strangers. I probably would have made it through if Gally hadn’t been paying attention. “Guys, she’s making a break for it!”

They all chased after me, but as it had turned out, I was fast. My heartbeat was speeding. I could feel the grass crunching underneath me. Again, I had no intention on looking back, but suddenly as if out of nowhere I could feel a person’s breath brushing up against the back of my neck. I had only turned my head slightly, but it was enough of a distraction that Gally was able to grab my arm, forcing me trip over my own feet. He managed to tackle me to the ground just before the archway into what I assumed was the outside world. As I struggled underneath him, he lowered his voice so the other boys couldn’t hear him. “I know you’re freaked out, but you can’t leave.”

“Let go of me,” I grimaced still trying to put up a fight.

“If I let go are you gonna run away again?”

“There is a one hundred percent chance of that happening, yes.”

He was shocked and a little confused by my response. But he shook whatever thought was going through his mind so he could focus on his task at hand. Gally turned his head to the other boys who were at least twenty feet away. He must have signaled them to back off, because they all took a few steps further away from the scene. He stared down back at me. I got a better view of his eyes this time. They were green, and had not been nearly as cold or intimidating up close, but they were just as magnetic. “Look, I’ve been where you’ve been, okay? We all have. We all woke up in that box, same as you. No memories. No way of knowing how to survive.” My body relaxed, my breathing slowed. “But we got through it. And you will too.” He got off of me and crouched down at my side.

He waited for me to sit up before saying, “You are not alone.”


	2. Day 2

After coming up out of the box, I decided to keep to myself. Being the only girl in a group full of teenage boys had me feeling out of place, not because I was necessarily afraid of them, but because they seemed to be pretty terrified of me. Accept for Gally, who seemed to be the only person treating me like I was a human being, rather than a foreign object. Right before sundown, he had pulled me aside so he could explain to me why I couldn’t leave the field, or “The Glade” as he called it.

“A maze?” I questioned. We were sitting several inches a part on a tree trunk that had fallen in the middle of the woods.  Gally had offered to take me somewhere quiet and less overwhelming than the campfire the rest of the boys were holding.

“Yeah,” he shook his head. “Do you hear that?” A low rumbling shifted in the air and I could feel it beneath my feet. It was the doors closing; something I had identified the day before. “That happens everyday just before sundown.  Once they close, something….” He paused. “Last night, after they closed, did you hear…sounds? Like… Movement?”

After everything, I couldn’t shut my eyes for a second. The sounds of things shifting, and creaking, and breathing had certainly not helped either. “What is it?” I asked hesitantly.

“We’re not sure exactly,” he replied, his face looking down at the ground. It was odd seeing him that way. Vulnerability was clearly not something he showed often. “We think part of it is the maze changing itself, but there’s something living out their too. According to Alby three guys have gone into that maze, and none of them have come out. I witnessed one myself.” He paused again, swallowing deeply. “It was pretty obvious by his screams that there’s something else out there.”

Silence. As it turns out, I wasn’t very good with silence. “Aren’t you at all curious if there’s a way out? There has to be. I mean it’s a maze, which means it’s a puzzle, right? There has to be-”

“We can’t risk losing anyone else,” he replied firmly. I had clearly hit a nerve.

I’m not sure where the thought came from and I almost didn’t want to pry, but it just slipped out. “The boy you saw go into the maze. You were close, weren’t you?”

I had  _definitely_ touched a nerve. “I don’t talk about it with other gladers.”

“I’m not a Glader, I’m a greenie.”

He let out out a breath, almost as if he was about to chuckle. There was even the tiniest little sad smile on his face. It was certainly something I hadn’t seen from him before. “Maybe another time,” he said.

Another awkward silence, but he filled it in this time. “Hey, remind me that I have to show you something, you know, after you remember your name.”

I already had. As I laid wide awake the night before, with the shifting of the walls and the cool breeze brushing up against my skin, it came to me. The only reason I hadn’t said anything was probably because nobody had asked.

“My name is Josephine. But if it’s okay, I’d like to be called Jo.”

“Jo,” it was as if he was testing how it sounded coming from his own lips. “Okay Jo, then I have something we need to do.” He stood up and offered me his hand just like he had the day before. I took it, this time far less hesitant. He helped me stand up and then directed me out of the woods.

“Where is it you’re taking me exactly?” I asked, my feet dragging though the grass.

“It’s time for your initiation, Jo,” he smirked. “Come on, keep up!”

Neither of us made it it much farther, however. “Gally!… uhh… Greenie!” Newt was running up to us from behind.

Gally and I both stopped in our tracks and turned to face him. “Her name is Jo,” Gally shouted back it him.

I could see Newt had raised an eyebrow at me, and I just nodded with a smile. “Alright, Gally and Jo,” Newt corrected. “Alby’s called a meeting.”

“Can’t it wait ten minutes?” Gally asked. “I was gonna show Jo the wall.”

“You can show it to her later,” Newt replied. “Right now we have some  _things_  we have to work out.” Newt then turned around and headed back towards the fire.

“Gee, by things do you think he could have possibly meant me?” I asked rhetorically.

Gally grinned. “Come on.”

* * *

The moon had officially risen. As Alby settled everyone down, I sat between Gally and Newt. Zart, another glader with striking blonde hair, rosy cheeks, and a square jaw, calmed down the fire.  

When the group finally quieted, I couldn’t help but notice that they were all staring at me.

“Look it’s no secret that things are different,” Alby addressed to the group. “There are seven of us now. That’s the most there’s ever been. Which means we could start running out of resources.”

“The box is still sending up supplies,” Mikey, the fifth Glader who was sitting directly across from me replied. He was attractive looking with dark, curly hair and a chiseled face.“Do you really think that’s our biggest problem right now?” He glanced over at me. The boy was immediately off putting.

“I think what Alby is trying to say is after what happened yesterday, things could be changing,” Although he tried to be more discreet, I could see Newt’s eyes flicker over at me as well. “Things  _are_ changing. And it’s better to be prepared for it.”

“How do you suggest we do that?” the sixth and final glader, Bach, who sat next to Mikey, responded. Bach was the oldest of the group, or at least he looked the oldest. Much like Gally and Alby his face held a stern glance on nearly all occasions.

“Newt, Gally, and I talked it over last night,” Alby said. I turned my head to both of them, almost as if I was trying to read their minds to see what Alby was going to say next.

“Wait, you didn’t think to include us in this little conversation?” Mikey folded his arms over his chest. He was clearly angry, and to be honest, I didn’t blame him. And given the look on Bach’s face he felt the same.

“You were already asleep. And that’s why we’re talking about it now,” Alby defended himself. “The point I’ve been trying to make, is that I think we all need to take a little more responsibility. Who knows how many more kids are gonna come up in that box. Boys or girls. We need to be able to take care of them, and ourselves.”

“Look we already elected you leader,” Mikey said aggressively. “What more do you want?”

“It’s like Alby said, we need to take more responsibility. We need ground rules,” Gally replied. “That way  _everyone_  feels safe here.”

“They’re right,” Zart spoke up. “I mean, it would certainly make me feel safer.”

“Rule One,” Alby stated. “Everyone does their part. No slackers. We can’t just sit around all day and do nothing, there’s too much at stake.”

“We should all take up a job,” Zart agreed. “Maybe I could work in the garden. You know, making sure there’s enough food for everyone.”

Newt raised his hand, “All in favor?” The rest of us raised our hands.

“We need shelter too,” Bach said. “The ceiling Mikey built, it’s falling apart. We need something better.”

“Gally’s the strongest,” Newt offered. Looking over at him. “And he did make that hammock forest for us to sleep in.”

It took a minute for Gally to respond, but eventually he shrugged and said, “I guess I could do that.”

“All in favor?” Everyone raised their hand. “Alright, Gally’s our builder.”

“What about you, Greenie?” Mikey turned to look at me with the cheesiest grin I had ever seen spread across his face.

“Her name is Jo,” both Newt and Gally exclaimed almost too proudly.

Slightly embarrassed by their declaration, I simply waved awkwardly. “Yeah, hi.”

“Well?” Mikey pressed.

Truth be told, there was only one thing I wanted to do, and I knew at least one of them wouldn’t be on board. But, I spoke my truth anyway. “Well, I was thinking, maybe we should have someone go out and map the maze during the-”

“No,” Alby’s answer was brief and direct.

“Did you pay attention to  _anything_ I said, Greenie?” Gally barked and shook his head in his hands before looking back up at me. He looked me directly in the eye with that same gaze that had me terrified so much on our first meeting. “It’s not worth the risk,” he gritted through his teeth.

_Looks like I’m back to Greenie,_ I thought bitterly to myself. I wasn’t going to let his stare-down faze me. “It’s my life. I’ll decide if it’s worth risking.”

Gally’s eyebrows lowered. “That’s not how this works,” Alby said.

My lips pierced in concentration waiting for Gally to look away. “So, what? I don’t even get a say?”

“Of course you do,” I heard Newt’s voice behind me. “You get a vote. We can call for one as soon as one of you decides who’s won this pissing contest.” It was then that Gally and I realized how immature we were being. We both looked down, a bit ashamed of our behavior, “All in favor?”

Bach and I were the only two to raise our hands. I was about to let out a sigh of disappointment, but I chose not to waste my breath. I knew exactly how that vote was going to go down.

“Seriously?” Mikey whispered to Bach.

“The girl’s right. The maze is safe during the day, as far as we know. And we all wanna find a way out of here, right? If she wants to risk her life trying to save our asses, I say let her do it.”

Zart spoke up as well. “Bach’s got a poi-”

Gally immediately cut him off. “We already voted. Majority rules.” He looked over at me again probably with a frown, but I refused to give him the satisfaction of looking up. I just stared down at a broken twig on the ground, and then threw it into the fire.

“How about for now, you help Gally as a builder. He’s not gonna be able to build an entire homestead on his own,” Alby suggested.

I almost laughed at the proposal. I moved my eyes to meet Alby’s just so he could see how pissed off I was. “I am not working with that  _shank_.” Shank was a term I had heard Zart calling Mikey earlier on that day. I didn’t really know what it meant, but I knew it was an insult. Clearly so did Gally. He was about to defend himself, but Alby jumped in before he could.

“Let’s move on. We can assign everyone else’s roles when we’re finished.”

“So what’s rule number two then?” Zart inquired.

“Never harm another glader, you have to trust each other,” Alby stated. “Without trust, we’ll start turning on each other, and we’ll all be dead within a month.”

“I like that,” Newt said. “I think it’ll make _some of us_  feel a little safer. Right, Jo?”

“That depends, Newt,” I replied, my eyes focused on the fire. “What happens if you break the rule?”

“I think we should all get a vote on that too,” Mikey jumped in.

“How about we all vote on whether or not they’re guilty; you know, whether they should actually be punished or not,” Bach suggested. “And then Alby can decide on the punishment.”

“I could build a jail,” Gally offered up, speaking for the first time since our argument. “We could lock em up for a few days. Maybe without food… If it’s really bad we could banish them to the maze.” He had merely mumbled the last part of what he had said, but it was clear enough to make everyone in the circle shift in their seat.

“Again, I think maybe we should let  _Alby_  decide.”

“I’ll take that into consideration, Gally,” Alby replied. “A jail cell sounds like a pretty good idea though.” Gally nodded.

“Are we all in favor of rule number two?” Newt asked. We raised our hands unanimously.

“Two rules seems pretty good,” Mikey sighed, clearly growing tired of the conversation. He was just about to get out of his seat, but someone stopped him.

“One more,” Gally spoke up again. “Number three: Never go outside the Glade.”

There was a silence, a small moment where we all looked around at each other, knowing that this rule, could possibly get us all in trouble one day. “All in favor?” I was the only one who didn’t raise their hand. Bach looked at me and shrugged. “Sorry, Greenie,” he mouthed.

“These are the rules that we’ll live by,” Alby said. “We save the right to change them, but the vote must be unanimous. Now, to assigning the rest of your positions…” Alby’s voice began to blur. I stood up, overwhelmed once again. I was alone once again.

“Where are you going?” Newt asked quietly.

“I just need a minute.” The second I turned around, tears began to fall from my eyes.


	3. Day 7

I once again spent most of my time actively avoiding most of the gladers. It was probably because I was still mad about what went down at the meeting, but it was also due to the fact that even with our new rules in place, I still didn’t trust them, and they didn’t trust me either.

Zart and Newt, were the exception, however. I had been assigned to help Zart in the gardens and he was… he was pretty okay. He was friendly and he made me feel comfortable enough to have conversations with him. I had found out in our time together that among all the boys he was the most recent to arrive before myself.

Newt had been elected second in command, but always seemed to find himself with us, planting seeds and watering the ground. He told Zart and I it was because he felt the most useful with us. His limp made it more difficult to be a builder. I liked Newt. He didn’t talk as much as Zart, but his charm and easygoing attitude made him easy to work with.

The only thing I knew for sure though, was planting crops was certainly better than working with that stupid shank, Gally. He had both Mikey and Bach slaving away on the new homestead, while he disappeared into the woods every morning.  _So much for everyone doing their part,_ I thought to myself as I kneeled in the dirt, pulling weeds out of the ground, watching Bach and Mikey struggle to carry lumber across the Glade.

Zart had spent most of that morning trying to get Newt and me to laugh; cracking jokes and throwing dirt around. Newt had enjoyed his antics, and often thew dirt back at him, meanwhile I tried really hard to keep a straight face, but every now and then he would catch the side of my mouth slide upward.

“There’s that smile,” Zart said proudly. “You think I can’t get it out of you, but I can.” In jest, I thew one of my old gardening gloves at him.

“Alright you two,” Newt said carrying a bucket of fertilizer over to us with a grin on his face. “Back to work!”

“We are working,” Zart defended. “That lead builder of yours on the other hand…”

“Where is Gally, anyway?” Newt asked. “I haven’t seen him all morning. Come to think of it, I didn’t see him most of the morning yesterday either.”

“Who knows,” I mumbled. Honestly, I hadn’t really cared.

“Hey, hey!” Mikey’s voice rang in my ears. “What’s everybody doing over here?”

“Our jobs,” Zart replied playfully as Mikey approached us. “You know, the thing  _you_ should probably be doing.”

“I’m just taking a break,” Mikey defended himself. “Gally’s got us working overtime. Meanwhile, he gets to sneak off and do whatever he wants.”

Zart snickered , “He’s probably jer-” Zart took one look at me and stopped himself before finishing his sentence.

“What?” I asked as I watched the two other boys giggle to them selves.

His face had gone pale, and he swiftly went back to laying down new soil. “Nothing. Never mind. Get back to work.” I could still see him chuckling to himself.

“Okay…”

Mikey coughed before asking, “What about you, Greenie?” His devilish smirk appeared on his face. I hated that smirk. “How’s the farming business?”

“It’s fine,” I asserted trying really hard to get back to my work. I could feel his eyes boring into me like I was the food he’s been deprived of the last few months.

“You look pretty thirsty,” he said pulling out his canteen. “Here, take my water.”

“I’m good, thanks.”

“I could give you a hand, if you want.”

“I’m fine, really.” There was that devilish smirk  _still_  plastered all over his face. My body tensed as I kept trying to figure out what he was doing.  _Oh, no,_  I thought.  _Flirting? Was this flirting?_  If it was, I was pretty sure I didn’t like it.

I looked over at Newt and Zart who were now no longer paying attention to Mikey, but had refocused on their own work. He was about to pester me again, but thankfully, someone interrupted us.

“Mikey,” it was Alby, who appeared not too far away from where we stood. “Get back to work.”

“Whatever you say fearless leader,” Mikey winked at me before he strode off. I rolled my eyes and stood up.

“Jo, could you do me a favor.”

I nodded, brushing the dirt of my pants. “Sure.”

“I’ll take over for you here,” he said. “Just go find Gally for me. I swear, that shank has been getting to work later and later everyday.”

My heart fell into the pit of my stomach. Avoiding Gally had been my number one priority the last few days. And I had done a pretty good job so far. I hadn’t spoken to him at all since that night at the bonfire. The only interactions we had was when I caught him staring at me from across the Glade. I could never tell if he was just angry about what happened, or maybe it was just an overall utter disdain.

I honestly wasn’t sure if I was ready to face Gally again. But Alby had asked, and even if I was still a little mad at Alby, he was still technically my superior. I also figured it wouldn’t take that much interaction. I’d find Gally, yell at him to go see Alby- from a far, and then make my way back to the gardens.

“Sure thing, Alby,” I sighed.

* * *

I marched my way into the woods, feeling the dirt and soil sticking to the bottom of my shoes and hearing the twigs crack and the leaves crumple as I stepped on them. It hadn’t taken me long to find him. He was picking up broken logs and dead wood along the wall of the maze. He was far enough away that he hadn’t noticed me, but close enough that I could have called out to him. And that had been my plan, to just shout it out and then walk away. Unfortunately, my curiosity got the better of me. If he hadn’t been at work all morning that meant, that wood couldn’t have been for the homestead.

I followed him a few paces behind and we stopped at a large crack, maybe even big enough to be considered a small cave that resided in the Maze’s wall. I watched as Gally plopped his wood down on the ground. Two walls had been built around the crack, and what appeared to be the makings of a door and a roof were leaning up against the wall of the maze.

“What are you doing?” The words slipped out of my mouth.

Gally jumped. “What the hell, Greenie? You couldn’t worn a guy when you’re gonna pop up so you don’t scare him half to death.”

I thought about apologizing, but opted not to. “What is this?” I asked.

“Well, it was supposed to be a surprise,” he snapped. He lifted his arm and brushed his fingers right through his hair letting out a deep and frustrated sigh.

“A surprise?”

He took a second to breathe in what had just happened, wrapping his arms around himself, almost like he was trying to close himself off to me, but couldn’t. “More like an apology,” he confessed. “To you.” I raised my eyebrows and stared at him blankly. “Things can be pretty overwhelming when you first get here. Most of us have been here so long, we forget that. I also don’t think we recognized how much worse it would be for you. So…” He moved toward the structure and looked inward at the hole in the wall. “I figured you might want some privacy, and this is where I always come to be alone, so…"his voice trailed off again.

I simply stood in awe. "You did all this in five days?”

“I don’t sleep much,” he shrugged. “I don’t even know what time it is. If your up I guess that means…”

“Mikey and Bach have been waiting for you for the last three hours. Alby sent me to come find you.” Gally nodded in understanding. I watched as he began gathering his tools together, but I didn’t dare offer to help him. I still kept my distance because although he had told me why he was building the hut, he still hadn’t apologized, not really.

“How did you know how to do all this?” I asked.

He shrugged again. “I just sort of knew, I guess.” Something clicked in him in that moment. I wasn’t sure what it was, but I could see the gears turning in his head. “I should probably head back I guess.” He swung his satchel of tools over his back.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” When I asked him this, he looked down as if perhaps he had dropped one of his supplies, but it eventually dawned on him, that that’s not what I had been talking about.

He breathed in. “I’m sorry.” His body was rigid, almost as if he didn’t feel comfortable in his own skin, and yet there was something genuine and soft about the sound of his voice. “We shouldn’t have- I shouldn’t have cut you down like that, even if I didn’t agree with you.”

“So you’ll talk to Alby?” I pushed.

“I already did. He said the vote had to be unanimous and that there was no point when the vote would still be split.”

I nodded in disappointment. “He won’t even let me make my case.”

“Jo,” his voice could have easily come off abrasive in this moment, but he chose a kinder tone. “No matter what you say, Alby and I are still gonna vote against you.” His hands moved to his pockets. I watched as he brushed his left foot back in forth in the dirt. “You know why I can’t.”

“Yeah.” I could have taken the opportunity to ask again about the boy he saw go into the maze, but I couldn’t, not when he was this vulnerable. “It’s just- I don’t know if I can stay here and ignore whatever’s going on out there.”

“You know, if you were any other dumb greenie, I’d tell you to go anyway. I’d let you leave and I’d tell you never to come back.”

“That’s a little hypocritical don’t you think?” I asked crossing my arms over my chest.

“That is one hundred percent a possibility, yes.”

“Don’t use my own words against me,” I snapped.

He took a step closer to me, just enough to make my body tense up. “Look, Alby is trying to make this place a home for us. Is that really such a bad thing?”

I supposed it wasn’t. After all, we’d been put there for a reason. Maybe Gally was right. Maybe it was to keep us safe. My gut told me that wasn’t true, but my mind wanted to believe it so badly and looking at the boy in front of me, and thinking of the others back in the glade, I had to ask myself, was this place that I had found myself in really all that bad? Was it really worth risking my life to leave?

“Come on,” Gally said. “We have a pit stop to make before I catch up with Alby.”

“Is this about my initiation?” I asked.

He smirked in confirmation, “Let’s go Greenie.”

* * *

Gally led me to the other side of the Glade, waving at Alby as we passed him from afar. Alby nodded at him, in approval, his face squinting through the sun in his face.

“Wow,” I breathed out as we stopped in front of another part of the maze’s wall. Two thick groups of vines grew up the side maybe seven feet in width from each other. Between the sprouting vines were ten names carved into stone. Six were clear.

_ALBY_

_MIKEY_

_ZART_

_GALLY_

_BACH_

_NEWT_

Four had been crossed out.

_GEORGE_

_WES_

_ANDY_

_GIBS_

“We’re a family,” Gally stated. “I know it doesn’t always seem like it, but we are. We want you to be a part of that too.”

There he was again. His eyes falling right into mine, waiting for me to take the knife that he pulled out of his holster. He was being open and honest with me, as he had been since the very beginning. And that scared the shit out of me.

“Stop staring at me like that,” I turned away from him.

His face squinted in confusion. “Like what?”

“Like that!” I snapped. “Like the way you and Mikey- Look the fact that I’m a girl is not lost on me okay? But I don’t want you to look at me differently, or treat me differently because of it.”

Gally was taken aback. “I don’t think we were planning on it… And I don’t look at you differently.”

“Than why did you say if I was anyone else, you’d let me leave?”

“Fair enough,” he admitted softly. “You are different. You’re  _special._ ”

Special. I was special? I let the word sink into me and just as it hit my heart I rejected it. “No. I’m not special. I just have a vagina. So,  _stop_  staring at me like that. ”

Half of me expected him to laugh, but all I saw was the look of a boy who was trying desperately to find the right words to say. “You feel… familiar,” he said quietly. “I don’t know if it’s your face, or your voice, or your long blonde hair, or the way your nose gets all red when you cry or, yeah, maybe it’s just because your a girl. But you feel familiar. You’re like this remembrance of a memory that was taken from us.” He took in a deep breath. I could feel my heart rate speeding up. “There were a lot of things I hadn’t thought about until you showed up. Like my mom. Or my sister. Or the girl I had a crush on.”

“You have a sister?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” he projected almost as if he were saying,  _Seriously, that’s what you got out of all of that?_ “But I could. I might.”

“Gally,” I moved a step closer to him, and spoke honestly. “I don’t want to be a mom, or a sister, and I certainly don’t want to be anyone’s  _crush_ for that matter.”

“I didn’t mean-you listen but you never actually seem to hear what I’m saying. The  _only_ thing we want you to be is alive. And if you go out there, you’ll end up like them.” His eyes shifted from mine to the wall grazing his hand over George’s crossed out name. I could see the pain and the grief flowing through him. “I don’t want you to be like them,” Gally’s voice shuttered. I went to reach for his arm, but he didn’t notice. He quickly shook off his vulnerability as he turned back to me holding out his knife, waiting for me to take it.

I stared at the knife for a moment, before I decided to reach out and grab it. My fingertips brushed against his palm as I went to grip the handle. It wasn’t the first time we had touched but it had felt like it. Electricity moved from my hand, all the way down my spine.

As a blush creeped up my face, I could suddenly feel all the other boys looking over at us from the other side of the glade, waiting for me to make a decision. And I could see the worry written in Gally’s eyes. I didn’t want to let him down. I didn’t want to let them down.

I needed to do this my way. My hand let go of his knife. Gally looked down in defeat as I moved my hand to my holster that sat on my hips. I pulled out my own knife, the one I had discovered on my first day. When I looked around at all the boys, I saw a new expression on all their faces. Hope. I touched the blade to the wall just underneath Gally’s name, and hit the handle hard with my other hand, making a deep dent in the stone. I carved out two letters.

_JO_


	4. Day 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter does include blood and the subject of periods. If that makes you uncomfortable, you may want to skip this one. Enjoy!

Days past and being in the Glade had become easier... More or less. It was kind of nice having a routine. I woke up at dawn, worked in the Gardens with Zart and Newt, ate whatever Bach had cooked up for dinner, joked with the Gladers around the fire, and then went to sleep in the hammock forest. Convincing myself to accept the fact that I had agreed not to leave had certainly helped too, even if sometimes I had a hard time believing myself. The boys all did their best to include me as well, Mikey sometimes a little too much. In any case, I finally started to feel like one of them and not just the new kid.

And then  _it_  happened. 

In retrospective it seems a bit silly to dwell on something so small, but at the time it was the worst thing that could have happened.

I had woken up suddenly from a pretty nasty nightmare. I can't say what it was about, mostly because what I woke up to was far,  _far_  worse. Sweat covered my body, and a splintering pain surrounded the bottom of my stomach all the way up my back. Using my arm I pushed myself up into a sitting position, while using my other hand to brush the sleep out of my eyes. 

This pain that I was feeling wasn't unfamiliar. I knew I had felt it before. I peered down at myself and my body became totally alert. What I found was blood soaking through my pants and seeping into the hammock.

My windpipe closed in on itself. I was so dizzy it felt like a hurricane was bouncing around inside my head. I felt my stomach begin to churn in circles. I was fairly sure that I was going to be sick. 

After nearly falling out of my hammock, I made a run for it into the Deadheads. I took a quick look back to make sure I didn't wake up any of the boys. From what I could see they all looked sound asleep. I moved quickly through the dark forest and only stopped once I needed to catch my breath. My body collapsed hard against a tree.  _Inhale, Exhale_ _,_ I reminded myself.  _Inhale, Exhale._ The more I controlled my breathing pattern the moremy stomach settled, but the cramps in my back were still unbearable.

"Jo?" Newt's voice broke through the night air in a loud whisper. "Are you alright?" His footsteps blended in with the cool breeze and the crickets chirping.

"I'm fine," I squeaked anxiously. I realized after I replied that I should have just kept my mouth shut.

"Jo, where-" he laid eyes on me and my cheeks immediately burned red. Without having looked at him yet I could already tell his eyes had been drawn to the blood on the back of my pants. I turned around to see that the lowkey, calm, collected Newt was gone. "What happened?" he asked, the panic crisp in his voice. "You're hurt. Come on, let's get you back to the others!"

"No!" I exclaimed a little too loudly. "I'm n-not-" I stuttered before lowering my voice. "I'm not hurt. I just have my period."

"Your what?" he blinked.

"It happens once a month," I explained through a groan. "It's annoying and gross, and it makes you feel like crap."

If I hadn't been so embarrassed, the confused look on Newt's face would have made me laugh. "Are you sick?"

"No, Newt," I replied. "I'm not hurt, I'm not sick, I'm just a woman with her period," I said. "A woman with a particularly heavy flow, I guess."

"Oh," Newt was still not following. "W-Why?"

 _Why? Did he just ask me, "Why"?_ I thought. This was never a discussion I had ever pictured having to explain to anyone, let alone a teenage boy. 

"So I can give birth."

Newt's eyes grew even wider. "Oh," he said again, trying to keep himself from panicking more than he already was, and slightly pretending to understand what I was fully getting at. It was clear there were still questions circling around in his head. "So, how do you stop it from happening? And if this happens every month, why are you freaking out now?"

"Well," I sighed through the pain. "A: You don't. It stops on its own after a few days. And B: this is the first time it's happened. I mean, it's probably not the  _first_ time. I've probably had it before, I just don't remember. But I must have, if I know about it, right?"

"I... uh..."

"What am I gonna do?" I groaned again as another set of pins and needles went through my body, the back of my head bumping into the tree.

"There are some spare clothes in the supply shed," Newt suggested frantically. He pulled his jacket off. "Here, put this around your waist for now."

"Thanks," I said sincerely taking the jacket and tying it around my waist to hide the blood stain.

We walked side by side quietly over to the shed keeping a fair amount of distance between us. "You don't have to be embarrassed by it you know."

"I'm not," I replied quickly. Newt gave me a knowing glance. "Okay, maybe I am a little, but I'm not embarrassed to talk about it. I'll answer any questions you have. I just don't want the others all freaking out at once, like you did. I'd rather be able to explain it to them when I'm ready. And when I'm not covered in blood. That's the embarrassing part. I mean, you'd be embarrassed if you peed your pants, right?"

"Yeah, I suppose so," he nodded.

We made it to the small shed just outside of the homestead, which was still a bit of a work in progress. The roof was missing, but everything else was intact.

The door creaked as Newt pulled it open. I was still amazed every time I saw any door that Gally had built, and was still baffled at his skills in architecture. He was just a kid. We were all just kids, and yet somehow he knew how to do all of these things that kids probably shouldn't know how to do, like how to build makeshift hinges for a door. Seriously, how could a kid know how to do that? 

The shed was just big enough that Newt and I could both fit inside. On the left was a pile of unused clothes. I dug through them to find something that might fit me, throwing anything that looked too big to the side. They were all male cut, and given my my small stature it was hard to find a pair of pants small enough. I had hoped that when more girls arrived this would change.

"Jo," Newt whispered. I pulled my hands out of the pile and turned to see that he was holding a small, rusted, metal box with a clasp on the front. "I thought this might help too. Alby and I found them in one of the crates when you came up. Truth be told we didn't know what they were." I took the box from him and undid the clasp to find a stack of sanitary pads inside. "It makes a lot more sense now."

I smiled at him gratefully. "You're a good guy, Newt. I'm glad you're the one that found me."

"Anytime," he said placing his hand on my shoulder and giving it a comforting squeeze.

I went back to the pile of clothes and finally found a pair of boxer shorts and the smallest pair of pants in the pile. They were an old pair of faded jeans that were slightly ripped over the left knee. "Um, Newt?" I spoke up. "Could you maybe wait outside."

"What?" he said and then noticed the clothes in my arms. "Oh, yeah, sorry," he awkwardly walked out of the shed shaking his head in stupidity.

After he closed the door behind him, I untied his jacket from my waist and I slipped off my pants, nearly falling over trying to get my shoe out of the pant leg. "You know, there's something I've been wanting to tell you for a while now." Newt said quietly from outside.

"Oh, yeah?" I asked as I switched my underwear with the new boxers and put on a sanitary pad.

"Yeah," he said. "Don't give up hope. We're going to get out of here. One day."

"That's gonna be a little hard considering, we're not aloud to leave." I pulled the pants over my hips, zipping them up and buttoning them. They fit almost perfectly with the exception of the length. As he continued to speak, I bent down, grunting in pain a little, to roll the bottoms up.

"We just need bigger numbers," he said. "The more of us there are, the stronger we'll be."

"That is true, I guess." I checked to make sure the bottoms were even and grabbed my stained clothes before standing up straight. Pushing the door open, I looked over at Newt, who was sitting in the grass, his back up against the shed. He looked back up at me, smiling slightly before standing up himself. "What am I gonna do about these old clothes?"

"We'll do what we always do when we need get rid of something," he said stepping back into the the shed for a second, only to pull out an old sack. "We'll throw it into the maze tomorrow morning. The Grievers will get it."

"The Grievers?" I raised an eyebrow.

"That's what I call the _things_ out there," he shivered just thinking about them.

"Isn't that a little...gross?"

"Maybe," Newt shrugged. "But don't you think it would be better out there with them, then in here with us?

Thinking about the smell it could erupt, I chuckled and said "Very true." He handed me the bag and I stuffed my clothes inside it.

We made our way back to our hammocks in silence. I stopped at his first before heading to my own. "Goodnight, Newt," I whispered.

"Wait," he said pulling his old,  fleece blanket off his hammock. "Here, you can use this to cover the stain on the hammock. I saw it, when I went to go look for you."

"Thank you," I said. "I really do owe you one."

"Jo, we're friends. You don't owe me anything."


	5. Day 31

Time was not a friend to the glade. It passed slowly, and while life had become far less difficult, it had also become immensely boring. Everyday felt the same. I often wondered if Alby had ever heard of the word "fun". The good news however, was that it looked like things might get a little more exciting sooner, rather than later.

"Hey! Jo!" Zart's voice rang out. "Wake up!" I peeled my eyes open and groaned out my morning breath. As my vision cleared through the bright light of the sun, I could see Zart's curly blonde head peering over top of my face. His eyes were luminous and his smile was wide.

"The crops can wait ten minutes," I whined rolling over in my hammock.

"It's box day. You know what that means?" he asked. I was not in particularly in the mood for his enthusiasm.

"I can sleep in?" I mumbled tightening my blanket over my shoulders.

"No, you're not the Greenie anymore! Come on, get up!" He pushed me slightly making the hammock swing gently back and forth. It was just enough of an annoyance that I had to prop the top half of my body up to try and re-balance myself. I turned to see that he was no longer next to me, but had ran out of the homestead leaving me far too awake and very much confused.

"Jo, you're not up yet?" It was Mikey, who looked so excited I thought he was going to start bouncing off the Maze walls.

"Why is everyone so... happy?" I grumbled, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

"Because Greenie," Gally popped up next to him. I had known both these boys long enough to know that it was rare either of them got up this early by choice, let alone be excited about it. "The box comes back up today."

"That means new supplies," Mikey explained. "Hey Gally, you think I'll get the TV I requested?"

"You're not getting a TV," Gally said dryly. He looked to me and I simply smirked back at him in amusement, while Mikey pouted in disappointment.

"A new Greenie comes up today too, right?" I asked.

"Yup!" Mikey confirmed.

_Good,_  I thought to myself.  _I never did like that stupid nickname anyway._

"But even better than that; I talked to Alby and he said we could all take the day off."

"So then why am I awake right now?" I looked to both of them. They knew I wasn't a morning person.

"I think you'll be thanking Zart soon enough," Gally shrugged. "That siren is not fun to wake up to."

"Yeah, I remember," I groaned again bending down to grab my shoes. A sudden thought occurred to me. I looked up at him and asked "Do you think it could be another girl?"

"Maybe," Gally responded, although I got the sense he didn't really believe what he was saying.

" _Shuck_ , I hope so," Mikey sighed with a dreamy look in his eyes. He glanced at me quickly and tried to recover his statement. "Not that you aren't- I just meant-" Gally and I both gave the "Shut up, Mikey" glare that I had come to learn from the other guys. "You know what?" he said awkwardly. "I'm gonna go see what Bach is cooking up for breakfast. See you shanks later."

"Who you callin' shank, Shank?" Gally toyed back at him while he walked away. Mikey smirked back at him and waved goodbye, not forgetting to give me an annoying flirtatious wink before striding off. As I finished tying my shoes Gally turned to me and said, "Alright, Greenie, let's get a move on. I have a surprise for you."

My eyes widened immediately. I was pretty positive I knew what the surprise was. "Is it my bungalow?" I chirped, jumping out of my hammock, planting my feet firmly on the ground. "Is my bungalow ready, Gally?!"

"You'll have to come with me to find out," he smiled slowly backing away.

"Well, what are we waiting for?!" I ran past Gally and right into the deadheads toward the spot I had found him my first week in the Glade. Man, had that felt like a million years ago. Like I said, time passed slowly.

"Hold on a second!" He shouted behind me.

"Catch up!" I shouted back.

"Oh, Come on!" he said, clearly running out of breath. "I want to see your reaction."

"Ughhh,"I exaggerated a groan. "Fine." Begrudgingly, I stopped and waited for him to reach me.

As soon as he made it to me, he bent over placing a hand on each of his thighs and breathed out heavily. " _Shuck_ , you run fast," he said as he exhaled deeply. "Here." I watched as he pulled something out of his pocket.

"A blindfold? Really?" I raised an eyebrow at the ripped piece of grey fabric he had displayed to me. I took this as an opportunity to tease him. "So, this was your plan all along. Take me into the woods, cover my eyes, and then have your way with me?" I joked.

"Ha Ha," he said sarcastically. His deadpan expression was impressive. After taking in the joke though, he looked at me earnestly. "You trust me, right?"

"Yeah," I admitted rolling my eyes, but with a grin on my face.

"Then turn around." I did as he requested waiting for him to place the blindfold over my eyes. He did so, and as I lost all sense of sight, I became far more sensitive to his touch. "I'm gonna lead you, okay?" He whispered softly into my ear. I could feel a tingling sensation run through my entire body. Taking in a deep breath I felt his hands firmly, but comfortably grab my shoulders. They were warm and protective.

"Whatever you say, Captain," I replied, my voice trembling a little. His breath tickled the back of my neck as we moved through the forest. It felt nice. I felt safe. That is until I became so distracted by his presence that I lost my balance.

"Woah," he said pulling me up, before I completely fell over. He made sure both feet were set flat on the ground. "I got you."

"You say that now..." I joked again, a little awkwardly this.

"You're incredibly frustrating, you know that?" he chuckled.

"It's all a part of my charm," I smirked through the blindfold.

We came to a stop, my body nearly falling back into his. Thankfully, he was able to keep the balance for the both of us. "You ready?" I nodded quickly while also jumping up and down a little in excitement. "Okay then," he said pulling the blind fold away from my face. As light came flooding back into my eyes, the picture of my little bungalow became clear.

In all actuality, maybe it was more of a hut , but Gally and I thought the word bungalow was more fun. He had built three walls himself and used the maze wall as the fourth. The roof was made from the same canvas he had used to make the hammocks for the homestead. And of course, what I considered Gally's specialty; a door. It sounded silly, but I could never quite figure out how he was so good at building those hinges. It still amazes me.

My bungalow was simple and perfect.

I was so overwhelmingly grateful that I jumped up and wrapped my arms around Gally's body, my ear leaning in right against his chest. "Thank you, Gally!"I gripped him tightly to show him how thankful I was for his. There was something oddly unnerving about being able to hear his heartbeat so fiercely in my ears. An so, I moved my head so I could look up at him. "Don't tell the others," I lowered my voice to a whisper, "but you're my favorite."

I don't think I had ever seen Gally happier than it that moment. It wasn't his smile, but his eyes that told me so. It was always his eyes. They were so incredibly transparent.

As I stood leaning in against his chest with his head towering over me, I could feel his heartbeat connecting to mine. The faster it beat the closer his face became to my own. Something stopped him though; hesitance probably. "Uhhh," he broke eye contact, blushing as he gazed down at the ground.

I did the same letting go of his torso. He brushed a hand through his hair and scratching his head. "So..." I said trying to ease the tension.

"So... why don't I show you inside."

"...Okay." I said my nerves clearly getting to me. I wondered if he could tell.

I waited for him to open the door. He let me enter first. As I looked back at him I noticed that he had to duck slightly to get in through the doorway. I giggled softly. "What?" he said with a smile. "I built this place for someone your size, not for mine."

"Uh-uh," I smirked. I searched the small room. In the back center, inside the hole in the wall, was a cot. The hole was tall enough that when I sat down on the cot I couldn't hit my head against the stone. As I faced forward toward the door, I noticed a small table on it's right with a lantern sitting on the top. And next to me, on the left of the cot was an empty dresser.

It was simple.

It was mine.

It was perfect.

"Are you crying, Greenie?" Gally asked taking a step toward me as I sat stiffly, both hands gripping the edge of the cot.

"Maybe," I said with a laugh, lifting my right hand hand to wipe the tears off of my cheeks and from underneath my eyes. "Thank you, Gally." He sat next to me at the edge of the cot placing his right hand over my left and giving it a small squeeze. "Gally, why did you do this for me?"

"I told you-"

"There are a lot of other ways to apologize. Honestly, all you would have had to do was say you were sorry."

"Oh, well  _now_  you tell me," he exaggerated nudging his shoulder into mine.

"I'm serious," I laughed at him, eyes still wet. "Why did you do this for me?"

"Because I wanted to," he shrugged sincerely.

I could feel my heart fluttering. Between his touch and his words, and that beautiful look in his eyes that I couldn't understand at the time; it was like a sensory overload. I swallowed deeply "I uhh..." I can't say what I was going to tell him, because I honestly, had no idea. I was just hoping that he would cut me off, and it looked like he was going to, but the blaring sound of the siren beat him to it.

I nearly jumped out of my seat at the sound of it. "Woah, hey," Gally said as he watched my body tremble and my breathing get heavier. It was like my heart was collapsing in on itself. I could suddenly feel the cold cage floor underneath me. I remembered the darkness; the loneliness. "It's okay," Gally whispered. His hand touched my back, rubbing it delicately in little circles. The tears started pouring harder this time. I could smell the steel from the cage. I could hear the rumbling of the elevator carrying me upward to a life of uncertainty. He pulled me into his chest. "It's okay," he repeated over and over again like a mantra as I sobbed into his shirt. "You're not in the dark anymore." I often wondered if he could read my mind. I held on to him to him tightly, terrified to let go. "I know," he said. "It's okay. You're okay." At those words, I looked up at him and I could see the same pain in his eyes that I felt coursing through my veins. It was farther away, and there was less of it, but it was still there haunting him. "You're okay."

"Yeah, I am," I said as my breathing calmed and my grip on him loosened. Gally took his thumb and wiped the tears from my eyes.

"Come on," he said softly waiting for the last tear drop to fall, his head nodding toward the door. "Let's go meet the new Greenie,  _Greenie_."


	6. Day 35

It's pretty easy to say that Minho and I were not fast friends. One might even say that I was rather unimpressed with that air of cool and confidence he seemed to have wrapped around him at all times. It wasn't the same kind of dislike that I had for Mikey. Mikey was just annoying, often too flirtatious, and it always seemed like he had a bit of a pea-brain. But he wasn't a threat. Of course, that was mostly because the other boys thought the same of him. But everybody loved Minho. Everybody except me. His arrogance and pride, and his constant need to have the last word blinded me to any positive traits he might have had.

"I don't really get what your problem is with him," Zart said. We were sitting in the garden relaxing after a long morning of pulling weeds. "I think he's pretty cool. Hell, even Bach thinks he's cool. And Bach doesn't like anyone."

"He likes me," I pointed out.

Zart was unimpressed. "No, he tolerates you," he retorted throwing a fresh tomato in my direction.

The tomato dropped softly in the palm of my hand. I took a second to investigate it. Perfectly red and perfectly ripe. Taking a bite, I gurgled, "That's not true, he totally-"

"Don't talk with your mouthful," I could hear a smile leaching out of whoever's voice had just spoken up. It was Gally walking over from his most recent construction site. He sat next to me in the grass and Zart threw another tomato over to him as well. He caught it just as I did, took a bite, and then swallowed. "Who are we talking about?" he asked. I smiled at the juice dripping down off of his chin.

"Bach," I replied to Gally. "And he does like me, for the record," I directed toward Zart.

"Yeah," Zart scoffed. "The same way Mikey and Gally 'like' you."

My head perked up. I was about to ask what Zart was the hell he was talking about but Gally opened his mouth first. " _Shut. Up. Zart_ ," Gally gritted through his teeth. I could see the heat rising in his eyes, his nose, and his cheeks.

Zart grinned playfully, swerving the conversation back on course. "We weren't really talking about Bach anyway. We were talking about the new Greenbean."

As his face cooled down, I could practically feel Gally rolling his eyes before I watched him do so. "Really, Jo?" He turned his torso slightly to face me. "You're still on this? Minho's not a bad guy."

"I am not  _still_ on this. Zart brought it up!" I defended myself. "But, while we're on the subject," I said not noticing the knowing grins Zart and Gally were giving each other. "He is cool.  _Too_  cool. And he's cocky, and condescending, and he-"

"Thinks he's better than everyone else," Zart and Gally sang together.

"We've heard this spiel a million times, Jo," Gally said. "He's only been here four days. Give the guy a chance. We gave you a chance right?"

_There he goes again being all rational,_  I thought. "We'll see," I pouted. My eyes drifted over to the homestead where Minho and Alby were sitting and obviously discussing something pretty serious.

"Why don't you go talk to him," Gally nudged his shoulder into mine when he notice who I had been paying more attention to.

"Nope," Zart grunted as he stood up. "We've gotta get back to work. One more greenie means one more mouth to feed." Zart reached out his hand and helped pull me back on my feet. He did the same for Gally.

"Listen," Gally said. "I didn't just come over here to make small talk. I wanted to show you guys something." He pulled a piece of paper out of his back pocket. I watched him unfold it to reveal a charcoal drawing; a rather poor drawing of... well, I wasn't completely sure.

"...What is it?" Zart asked his head cocked to the side and his eyes squinting at the image in front of him.

"Look, I'm a builder, not an artist, okay?" Gally snapped. "It's a counsel room. I figured if the homestead is where we sleep, we need another place to work, and I don't know, talk business, I guess. Alby approved it yesterday."

"That's a great idea, Gal," I smiled.

"Yeah?" I nodded in support. "Well, great! I'm gonna have the guys start working on it tomorrow. And I know you're not a fan of him, but it's been really nice to have another builder around. Especially one that doesn't  _complain_." His eyes eyes drifted slightly over to Mikey.

While Gally's focus was distracted, I looked over at Minho and Alby again. The two were acting awfully chummy with each other. They shook hands. Minho had a large grin slapped across his face and Alby looked pleased as well. "I wonder what they're talking about," I said, almost like I was in a daze.

"I don't know, and I don't care," Zart barged in. "Back to work, Shanks."

 

* * *

 

The doors had closed for the night. Everyone gathered in front of the fire for dinner and were all just finishing up. Gally, Minho, Zart and Alby were all chatting together. Newt and I talked cheerfully one on one. Bach sat by himself quietly whittling into a small piece of wood.

It wasn't like we didn't try to include Bach in conversation, because we did. It was just always clear that he preferred to be left alone. I always got the feeling Bach would rather listen than talk.

I laughed at something Newt had said to me but was immediately distracted when I saw Minho get up off the tree trunk he was sharing with Alby. I zoned out to the memory of what Gally had said earlier.  _Give the guy a chance,_ I thought.

"Hey, Newt, I think I'm gonna head to bed."

"Oh, alright," Newt said a little blindsided of the sudden turn in our conversation. "Goodnight then."

"Night," I replied with a smile and a slight pat on his shoulder as I got up. My focus however, was still on Minho. I chased after him. "Minho! Wait up!"

Minho pivoted to face me. "Uh, hey.. Jo," he was unsure of why I'd come up to him. I was pretty sure he new that my opinion of him wasn't positive.

"H-hows it going," my voice shook. I wasn't really sure what I was supposed to say.

"Just heading to bed," he said with an eyebrow raised. He probably thought I was crazy.

"Cool, cool," I replied awkwardly. 

_Don't be weird_ , I told myself.  _How do I start a conversation with this guy?_

"So... Gally tells me you're quite the builder."

"Yeah, I'm alright," he grinned attempting to sound modest, but only coming off more pretentious. "Not that I'm gonna be a builder for much longer."

I squinted with a small pout of confusion. "What, is Alby putting you in the gardens? Because Gally needs way more hands than we do."

"Nope!" he said simply. "He's making me a runner."


	7. Night 35

The air was cold, the grass was damp, but the darkness had been oddly comforting. I sat alone, my arms wrapped tightly around my knees as my eyes drifted up and down between the vibrant stars and the wall in front of me. I read each name over and over and over again.

_ALBY_

_GEORGE_

_MIKEY_

_ZART_

_WES_

_GALLY_

_BACH_

_ANDY_

_NEWT_

_GIBS_

_MINHO_

Minho.

I wasn't mad at him. I wanted to be, but deep down I knew there was nothing to be mad at him for. Annoyed? Sure. But not mad. It's not like he knew how desperately I wanted to explore the maze. It's not like he knew me at all really.

But Alby did. And that hurt.

My first instinct was to storm up to Alby, slap him across the face, and shout so loud that the entire Glade would shake. I quickly recognized that may be a bit too hasty. I would wait and see how long it would take for him to come up and tell me.  

And then I would slap him across the face. 

The waiting was the hard part. Knowing that in every passing second he was only more of a cowards than I thought he was. It made my blood boil.

I did my best to let the cool breeze and the rhythmic sound of the crickets calm my nerves, but ultimately it just reminded me of how isolated I was. Or perhaps it was just the shifting of the walls and the grumbling of the Grievers that made me grip my legs so firmly that I looked like a rolly polly.

"I thought you went to bed." I turned my neck to see a concerned Newt plopping down in the grass next to me. "It must be nice having a place of your own."

"I couldn't sleep," I replied simply, looking back up at the wall. "Besides, I could use the fresh air."

"We're always out in fresh air," he pointed out with a comforting smile. "Are you okay?" he asked. "I saw you talking to Minho earlier. Did he say something to you?"

I shook my head. "He did but- It's not that important. I don't really want to talk about it right now."

Newt nodded, respecting my privacy. "Can I still sit with you? I can't really sleep myself."

I knew what he was doing. He was trying to take care of me, and I appreciated that, even if I wasn't sure if it was what I needed. He knew though. He was always good at knowing when I needed something. "If I ask you a question, will you answer it?" I asked softly.

"Depends on the question I suppose."

I took in a deep breath in, looking up and reading the names of the boys once again.

_GEORGE_

_WES_

_ANDY_

_GIBS_

"What happened to them? The boys with their names crossed out?"

Newt looked down at the grass taking a deep breath of his own. "Ahh," I could see the grief and regret running through him as his shoulders tensed.

"I asked Gally when I first got here. And maybe it's none of my business, but-"

"No, it is," Newt tried to look me in the eye, but it was clearly too hard for him. "You're family now. You should know. But, I'll leave the last story out, okay? That one's Gally's to tell."

"You shanks talking about me?" Gally's gruff and quiet voice spoke out . He dragged his body toward us, letting out a great yawn.

"It's time we tell her, don't you think?" Newt said shyly looking at the boy towering over us.

Gally swallowed deeply. When he looked at me I tried to tell him without words that it would be okay. That he could trust me.  Slowly and silently he sat down in front of Newt and I. "You go first," he offered to Newt.

Newt's gaze passed Gally's shoulder and onto the wall. I let go of my knees, crossing my feet underneath me like a pretzel.  "George was the first one up. I know we say that it's Alby, but- in reality, Alby was just the first to survive a month all on his own. We don't know a lot about George. Just his name, which he carved out here for us. Alby found him lying dead with a giant bruise on his neck just inside the maze walls. Alby dragged him out into the Deadheads and did his best to dig him a grave."

"The bruise..." my voice hollowed out as I spoke.

"He'd been stung," Newt responded. "By what? We're still not sure. But it's how we know there's something out there."

"The Grievers," I nodded in understanding.

"That's right," Newt affirmed. "Considering how much pain they leave behind, I figured it was a suitable name for them." I wished I had known what they looked like. There was something far more terrifying about the unknown. "I came up in the box after Alby, and then came Wes and Andy. They came up together."

"That happens sometimes," Gally explained. The coldness in his voice told me I shouldn't press him on that particular subject. I simply nodded up at the new piece of information.

The next story had been harder for Newt to tell than the first, that much was obvious. It was more personal now. "Things were different then. We didn't have a leader. We knew even less then, than what we know now about what's beyond those walls. There was a lot of arguing, a lot of fist fights, especially between Andy and Alby. We never got much done because Wes always took Andy's side and I almost always took Alby's. Not because I liked him better or anything, it's just Alby always seemed to have everyone's interest at heart." While I appreciated Newt being so candid, I couldn't help but feel a little empathetic toward Andy. Then again, maybe I had just been taking the story too personally given my current circumstances. "Andy didn't feel like Alby had his best interest at heart though. And one day he just decided, 'Screw it, I'm getting out of here.' And he did. He left in the morning right when the doors opened. Wes sat by the doors for hours hoping he'd come back. And he continued to sit there until they opened again the next day."

"Poor Wes," I said softly to myself. "Poor Andy."

"Andy's disappearance was hard on Wes. It wasn't but maybe two weeks before you showed up that Bach and I found Wes hanging from one of the vines by the east entrance. The same one Andy had gone running into."

Gally and Newt could both tell how lost and grief stricken I was by the two boys I had never met. But it didn't come close to the grief they had tucked away in the back of their hearts.  After a moment of silence Newt had granted for the friends he had lost, he spoke up again. "This shank was the next up," Newt threw a few blades of grass at Gally in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Gally didn't react to Newt's antics. He simply said, "I didn't come up alone either." Newt dropped his head his memories running through his mind. It was Gally's turn to speak.

"Gibs was my brother."

And suddenly the world around me disappeared. Newt was gone, the glade was gone, the only thing that mattered was what Gally was saying to me. "Granted it's not like we had proof but, everyone always said we looked alike. Something about our eyebrows." I watched as he nearly smiled at the memory. "Not that it mattered if we had been blood. Family is more than that, right? Anyway, things were fine. He was the youngest of the five of of us so he always sort of dragged along, but things were fine. And then Bach showed up, and then Mikey, and them Zart. And even though a lot of us butted heads, we all agreed to keep Gibs out of it. Me especially. He was my brother. My responsibility. But things were fine. Except for the nightmares." I watched as Gally froze for a second, sweat dripping down his brow. He was picking at the grass, using it as a distraction. "None of us have ever had an easy time sleeping, but he had it the worst. I could have sworn- It was like he remembered something about the outside. He never talked about it, but I could always tell something was haunting him." His hands shook tearing the grass out from the root. "When his fits got bad, I'd stay up with him. I'd do my best to distract him with stupid stuff. Playing catch, or word games; we even tried making moonshine once." As I listened to his story I realized, sometimes happier memories are harder talk about than the sad ones. They only remind you of what you don't have anymore. I kept this note and tucked it into the back pocket of my mind. 

I watched his face go from a small crooked grin, to a wistful gaze."He woke up one morning so terrified that he just started running. He couldn't stop. I chased after him, but next thing I knew he was headed toward the maze." I reached out to grab his hand. I wanted to give him some sort of comfort, but he just pulled away.

"We looked for hours," Newt said giving Gally a second to compose himself. "But we never found him, and we knew we had to get back before the doors closed, so..."

"Alby and Bach dragged me out," Gally continued. "The doors opened the next day. We all went looking for him. Trying to find a body. We found one. Small and torn apart by Grievers."

"According to Alby he had the same sting mark on him that George had," Newt said quietly. "We found Wes a few days later. I think losing Andy and then Gibs. It was too much for him."

We all sat in a pregnant pause. I knew whatever they told me would be undoubtedly overwhelming, but still nothing could have prepared me for the pain I saw on both their faces. Newt head was bowed in shame. Gally sat strongly looking out into the center of the Glade, but it was easy to tell that he was fighting off the tears welling up inside him. Newt was closer to me, our knees practically touching. I wrapped my arms around him first, squeezing tightly. "I'm so sorry Newt," I whispered into his ear.

He released me from the hug and set his forehead comfortably against mine, so I could look back at his big, dark brown eyes. "Get some sleep, yeah?"

"I'll try," I breathed out. As we lost contact, he gave a quick, somber goodbye to Gally, shaking his hand and then walking back to his hammock. I looked over at Gally who was still looking down at the grass. I wanted more than anything to wrap him in my arms and to tell him that everything was okay, but I also didn't want to overstep my boundaries. He had, after all pulled away the first time I had tried. It was hard enough for him to tell his story, let alone talk about his feelings.

"Walk me back to the bungalow?" I asked softly. Maybe I couldn't give him a hug, but I could still be there for him silently. Just like Newt had been there for me earlier.

He didn't reply, he just stood up. He was like a giant hovering over me, and yet the look in his eyes made him feel so small. When I realized that he was waiting for me to stand up, I new that his silence meant that he wanted to walk me back to the bungalow.

We walked in a sad silence. But it was still a comforting one as our feed drudged through the fallen leaves. When we reached my little home,  I looked up into his face, as he looked down at the dirt. I said my final words to him. "You can stay, if you want." He peeled his head up slightly. He was confused.  "You can stay." I reached my hand out to him one more time, tentatively however. And as our fingertips just grazed passed one another, I saw him hesitate. 

He wanted to stay.

"I'll see you in the morning," he whispered. He moved the hand that had nearly touched mine up to my face, brushing a strand of hair out of my eyesight.  With one more grieving smile, one with a new perspective, I watched as he wondered back to the homestead. 


	8. Day 36

"ARE YOU SHUCKING KIDDING ME?!" Gally's fuming voice bellowed throughout the entire Glade echoing off the maze walls. "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO HER? YOU'RE MORE OF A HYPOCRITE THAN I AM!"

Given that I was the only "her" he could have possibly been referring to, my head shot up in attention. Zart, raking through fertilizer looked at me with a confused frown while Newt, a shovel in hand, shrugged unknowingly. I sighed both out of frustration and defeat because I was fairly sure I knew exactly what was going on. "I'll be back Track-hoes," I said as I stood up off my knees and pulled my dirty gloves briskly off of my hands. I marched my way over to the homestead, passing Minho, Bach, and Mikey. The looks on their faces could only be described as true terror. Their eyes continued to follow my scowell until I was out of sight.

"Gally this is not up for discussion, and frankly it's none of your business anyway," Alby's voice was loud and clear, but not nearly as projected as Gally's.

"The hell it is!" he said. "What happened to making decisions together? As a team?" 

"Look, Newt and I talked it over last night and-"

"He's in on this too?" Gally shook his head, his shoulders tenser than I had ever seen them. "You have no idea how this will make her feel."

"Neither do you, Gally." I spoke plainly only standing a few feet away.

Alby's head peered over Gally's shoulder as Gally pivoted to face me. His burning face went white. "Jo,-"

I wouldn't let him finish. All of the feelings I had bottled up over the last twelve hours were finally coming to the service."I appreciate what you're trying to do, okay? I really, really, do. But I can fight my own battles."

"I know you can." It's not what he said, but I could see it on his face. He gave a protective look toward Alby one that said, "I'll destroy you for this," and then he looked to me again, immediately regretting the thought. He backed out of the homestead. My eyes followed him until he was out of view and then I turned to Alby making sure that I had his full attention.

"Jo, listen I was going to tell you that-"

"Minho told me last night, so you can save your breath," I sneered. "I've been waiting all day for you to get your shit together and tell me."

"Well if you talked to him then you'd know there is no reason to be upset. Now-"

"I'm not upset, I'm furious," my voice sharpened. "The fact that you were too much of a coward to tell me speaks volumes. If you were considering anyone, it should have been me." It was the truth. The fact that Alby hadn't come to me had made no sense, unless of course he had some reason to question my abilities. As far as I was concerned, he hadn't spent enough time with me to know what my strengths and weaknesses were, so how could he possibly know what I was capable of unless he gave me a shot. "And if you say it's because I'm  _special_ , or you 'can't risk losing me', I swear I will punch you in the gut. I don't care how many days in the slammer I get."

Alby spoke lower trying to contain the situation. "Jo-"

"Don't patronize me. Minho and I are going into the maze together," I stated my voice only gaining in volume. Alby's hand went to his forehead. He rubbed it in frustration. "Having him go in by himself is just as stupid as me going in by myself. That's the one thing Minho and I can agree on."

"So you've already talked to Minho, yeah?" Alby raised an eyebrow, his body language seething from the negative attitudes we were both giving off.

"Yeah," I snapped back almost as if I were saying, " _obviously"_. I was slightly put off by the question however.

"So I suppose he also told you that  _that_  was my idea from the beginning?" Alby crossed his arms. "Did you honestly think I was gonna send a greenie in the maze by himself? Maybe if you weren't constantly jumping to conclusions, and not listening to what other people have to say, I wouldn't have second guessed my decision." I backed off as my mind began to race. He was going to let me into the maze. He was going to give me an ounce of freedom. "Look," Alby spoke again in a low calming voice. "I'm still willing to give you a shot,  _if,_ you and Minho behave yourselves."

I looked up in hope and nodded enthusiastically. "I can put all his pretentiousness aside for the good of the group Alby."

"Okay," Alby said, still unsure. "But if anything goes wrong, and I mean a hair out of place, neither of you are going back into that maze. You understand? We'll find another way out."

I agreed to his terms. "So it's a deal?" I opened my palm and spit in the center of it.

Alby froze for a moment before looking down at my hand and said, "Who taught you that? That's disgusting."

With my hand still held out to him, I shrugged and said, "That's just the price of doing business."

He dodged his eyes up and down from my hands to my face, before settling into my own eyes. "Deal," he spoke firmly, spitting in his palm and then going in for a firm handshake.


	9. Day 37

Wake up Greenie!" I shouted directly in Minho's sleeping face. He cracked his eyes open just enough to see what had woken him up and immediately ignored it by turning over. I heard a small incoherent grumble leave his lips. "I'm not a morning person either, but the doors are opening soon and we gotta get a move on."

He turned his head ever so slightly and I could just about see the drewel dripping out of the side of his mouth. "Good morning to you too," he said sarcastically. He nuzzled his face back into the hammock and tucked himself in tighter, pulling a hard grip on his blanket.

"Oh no you don't. Not today," I said forcefully. I put a hand on his blanket and with a great yank I had suddenly gotten myself into an ultimate game of Tug Of War.

"Come on," he whined pulling back. "Five more minutes,  _Mom."_

My eyebrows lowered as my gaze hit him. I had been serious before, but now I had the complete urge to wipe that evil grin clean off his face. "Get. Up," I barked pulling as fiercely as I could. Piercing my lips together, straightening out my arms, and lowering myself to get better leverage, I used all of my strength to rip that blanket off of his tired body. I almost had him rolling out of his hammock, unfortunately he had me beat in the muscle department .

"I'll get up after the doors open,  _Mom_ ," he insisted. Minho gave one final tug knocking me flat on my butt and into the hard dirt.

My butt was sore, my hands were scratched, and my face had turned beet red. "I promised Alby we could work together. You're not making it easy."

Minho rolled his. "I'll meet you by the East doors in five, okay?"

"Fine," I sighed. I pulled myself up off the ground.

He rolled his eyes again but than looked at me with a begrudging earnestness. "Sorry for knocking you down," he said. "But for the record, you're not exactly making it easy either."

I bit softly down on my bottom lip. He was right. I hadn't been making things easy, and I supposed I felt a little guilty about it, but I sure as hell wasn't going to let him know that. "Noted," I said blankly before heading to the doors. That was not how I wanted to start my morning.

By the time I had gotten to the East doors I had found a surprise guest waiting for me. Gally was leaning against the stone wall, his arms crossed and his head cocked. Three full backpacks were sitting next to him in the grass.

"Well, you look pissed," he said concerned, but also a little amused.

"He's infuriating," I ranted. Gally didn't need to hear me say his name to know who I was talking about. It was clear by hid short chuckle that he knew Minho was on my mind. "We fought over a blanket.  _A freaking blanket._  How are we supposed to go out there and not kill each other, let alone get ourselves lost?" Gally didn't respond. He just grinned, staring at me in that way that I hated. 

Or maybe I didn't hate it so much anymore.

At any rate, he was waiting for me to take notice of something else. It took me minute to realize and when I did, I simply giggled back at him and asked, "Why are you up so early, anyway?"

"Well," he said standing up straight and losing contact with the wall behind him. "I figured you guys might need some supplies. Food, water, stuff to help you find your way back."

"Why are there three bags?" I asked curiously.

"I'm going with you," he replied as if it were obvious.

My eyes grew wide. "Gally, if this is because-"

"It's not because of you. The whole world doesn't revolve around you, you know," he joked and I blushed. "Granted, Alby does want me to look after you and Minho, but that's not why I decided to do this. I'm doing this for myself. Facing my fears and all that klunk."

"That's great Gal," I said. My hand gave him a small, but supportive touch to his shoulder. "I'm so proud of you." He smiled shyly back at me, and it brought my mind back to a similar happy moment. It made me wonder,"But you love building."

"I do," he replied. "I don't plan on heading out and doing whatever it is you guys call this-"

"Running," I clarified.

"Right, being a Runner or whatever- I don't think I'll do it everyday, I don't even know if I'll go back out tomorrow, I just wanna give it a shot. And I'll feel safer doing that with you out there with me." I looked at him, flattered, but still a little surprised. "You  _and_ Minho," he corrected with an awkward laugh.

I just nodded. I wondered if he could tell that I was disappointed. I hoped that he hadn't. "Well, I'm glad your coming with us."

"Eh, you and Minho would be fine without me," he shrugged trying to play modest. Or maybe he just was. I couldn't really tell.

"We fought over a  _blanket,"_  I reminded him.

"Well yeah," Gally spoke again as if it were obvious. "You two are basically the same person."

"We are not!"

"Uh, yeah you are," he insisted. "You both have that I don't really give a shit about anyone else,' kind of vibe going on."

My heart dropped in an instant. I felt small. I never remembered what being a little kid was like, but I was sure this was the kind of feeling they had when an adult made some kind of snide comment to demean them. My God, did I feel small. 

"You really think that?" my voice shook as I asked the question.

"Well, I-"

"Hey!" Minho came running up to us. "Who's ready to do some running?" I was still staring at Gally. I wanted an answer. And the sad embarrassed look on his face wasn't cutting it. "Did I interrupt something?"

"No," Gally coughed swerving his attention to Minho. "Alby suggested I join you guys, if that's okay with you."

"I'm good with that," he nodded, hands in his pockets. "You kids ready?"

"I am," Gally replied. He turned to me. He could tell I was still waiting. "You ready, Jo?"

I was still in my daze until Minho finally brought me back to reality. "You okay there,  _Mom_?"

"Yeah," my head snapped up to look at him. "And stop calling me that. It's weird." Minho gave me that stupid smirk he used right before he was about to say something annoyingly clever, but the slow vibrations coming from the earth distracted us all. I could already feel the gust of wind breathing through the doors of the maze as they slowly panned open. We all covered our eyes with our arms from the debri flying into our faces. Leaves, twigs and ripped vines all blew through the roaring air.

The doors were officially open. And hopefully, so was our future.

"Let's do this."


	10. Day 38

I sat alone in my bungalow, Gally's screams reverberating around in my head. My legs were crossed on the bed with his sketchpad sitting firmly on my lap. I stared down at the carefully drawn out map that I had worked on all day prior.  _It's a start,_ I thought. The problem however, as the image of Gally's pained expression seared into my memory, was whether or not it was something I truly wanted to finish.

There was a knock on the door. It hadn't startled me. Newt had been checking in every hour on the hour. What had startled me though, was the voice. "Jo?" It wasn't Newt, it was Alby. "Can I come in?"

 _"_ Yeah," I sighed, my voice hollow.

The door creaked open slightly, so Alby could take a peek at me before opening it up all the way and then shutting it quietly behind him. "How are you?" he asked softly.

"I've been better," I replied. "But more importantly, how his he?" I scooted over to the right so Alby could sit beside me.

"Still asleep," Alby nodded as his body weight hit the cot. He rubbed his hands against his legs and then patted them firmly. I watched as one of his legs shook anxiously. He was clearly trying to hide how distressed he really was. "He's gonna be okay."

"You don't know that," I said. "None of us do. We're not doctors, we're kids." Alby looked away from me knowing that I was right. My eyes drifted back down to my map. I played around with some of the edges, adding little details with my charcoal pencil, like the moss creeping up the sides of the walls, and the dainty dandelions sprouting up from the ground.

"You're not bad."

"Huh?" Just for a moment I had been distracted by my own work.

"You're sketch of the map," he pointed out. "It looks good."

"Oh," I hadn't really thought about the quality of the map, just the accuracy. "Thanks." With a small inch of insecurity trailing in the back of my mind, I closed the sketchbook and sat it behind me.

"I really think we should talk about what happened out there," Alby said. His motivation for visiting me became clear.

"Haven't you already talked to Minho?"

"Yeah, but I need all sides of the story, you know that." He was doing his best not to sound pushy, but I also knew he wasn't going to leave until I gave him something; anything. "I just think we should know all the facts before we put him on trial."

"Wasn't him getting hurt enough of a punishment?" I asked.

"That's up for all of us to decide," Alby said. "He broke one of our laws. He went into the maze without permission."

"I just don't understand why he would have lied about that," I uncrossed my legs, turning to face Alby more directly.

"Maybe you could ask him?" Alby suggested. "He wouldn't tell me."

I felt bad for Alby. Despite almost always being mad at him, I constantly had to remind myself that no one put more pressure on Alby than himself.  After all he'd only ever tried to do what was best for all of us. We would have all been dead in a day if it hadn't been for him. I knew all of this and yet, I still couldn't help but poke his buttons.

"Please," Alby spoke gently as if trying not to spook a sleeping giant. "Tell me what you think happened."

"Okay," I sighed. "That morning... Minho and I had already been fighting. There was a blanket involved," I nearly laughed at the ridiculousness of my statement. "He told me he would meet me at the East doors. When I got their Gally was waiting for me. He said that you gave him permission to go with us and I figured he was telling the truth. I mean, it's not like he's ever lied to me before so.... Anyway Minho met up with us, the doors opened and we went on our way."

"What happened once you were inside."

"The majority of the day was fine. We worked out a system. Minho kept track of time, Gally left a trail so we could find our way back, and Gally let me borrow his sketchpad so I could draw out the map. Minho and I argued a couple times, but it was nothing we couldn't work out ourselves. Gally never had to defuse the situation like we all though he would, you know until the end of the day."

"I told Minho that I thought we should start heading back to the Glade. He wanted to stay for another half hour, but I was worried we wouldn't make it back in time. Gally agreed with me, and we were about to head back but, Minho decided to run in the other direction. We knew we couldn't leave without him, so without hesitation, I chased after him. I didn't even bother to look to see if Gally was behind me, I just figured he'd keep up. I stopped just for a second to catch my breath and when I turned around he was gone too. I started panicking, yelling out both of their names. Miraculously Minho ran right into me and when he did, that's when we started hearing the screams. Gally's screams. We followed his voice, but it took- I don't remember how long to find him. It just kept getting later and later, and we knew we had to book it to get out, and when we found him-  Gally was on the ground. His foot  had gotten stuck."

"How far away from the doors were you?"

"Far enough," I said. "Gally just kept screaming in pain and Minho was pacing back and forth, panicking, trying to figure out what to do. Gally kept telling us we should go without him, but I couldn't.  And then I told Minho to run out without us, and he wouldn't either."

"How did you get Gally foot out of the vines?"

"Minho had his knife with him. I don't know why I was so stupid not to have brought my own. I grabbed it from his bag and started cutting. It took a while but we got him out and we carried him through the doors right before they closed." I looked down. I was ashamed. "We barely made it out, Alby."

"Hey," he said placing hand on one of my shoulders. He tried to catch my eye, but I couldn't bare to look at him. "The important thing here is that you did make it out. And you saved Gally's life too."

I shrugged off his hand. "We were all stupid, and reckless, and under prepared."

Alby thought carefully before speaking again. "Listen, Minho's decided he's going back try again, but, you don't have to if you don't want to. Bach and Newt both offered to take your place."

"I thought you said that if anything went wrong-"

"I know what I said. And I changed my mind." Alby grabbed the sketchbook, admiring it for a moment and then he offered it to me. "You and the others did good work out there today, despite what happened. You made progress. Change doesn't happen in a day, Jo."

"I know," I nodded with a sigh taking the sketchbook and holding it in toward my chest. "Alby... Is it selfish if I tell you I don't want to go back out there?"

He squinted, "Why would you think that's selfish?"

"I was just thinking about something Gally said right before we went into the maze."

"Jo, your not-"

"Yes, I am-" I insisted. "All I ever think about is myself and what's best for me. I made a huge deal about wanting to go into that stupid maze and now here I am backing out like a coward."

"I don't think a selfish person or a cowardly person would have saved Gally the way you did," he said earnestly.

"You don't?" I asked not really wanting him to answer. "He asked me to leave him behind. He begged,  _begged_  me to take Minho and go. But I couldn't because I need him." I shook my head. "No, that's not true. I couldn't leave him because I  _want_ him. And that's so much worse. He's not food, or, water, or- It would be different if I needed him to survive, but I just... want him around."

"And your not the only one who wants him around, okay? You did the right thing. And if you hadn't saved him, you'd be sitting here feeling the exact same guilt you have now."

"If I hadn't abandoned him in the first place, none of this would have happened."

"Yeah and if I had been paying attention he wouldn't have gone into the Maze at all," Alby bit back. "You can't live your life on Ifs, Jo." 

"But if I hadn't-"

"Do you ever listen?" he rubbed his hand against his forehead in frustration.

"See?" He had proved my point for me. "You said yourself, I don't listen. And you were right. I don't listen. I'm self-centered and I don't listen."

"Jo," Alby let out a sigh and suddenly any kind of softness in his eyes was gone. "Clearly, whatever I say to you isn't going to make you feel any better. But you have to stop wallowing. If you think you're self-centered then, what are you gonna do to change that?" Alby stood. "I'm gonna go talk to Bach. Tell him he's gonna take your place. I expect to see you in the Gardens first thing in the morning."

I soaked in his words. "You got it boss," I said giving him a small, but lazy salute. He ducked out of the room. Like Gally, he was a little too tall to get through the door.

When I knew I was alone again, I reopened Gally's sketchpad. As my pencil hit the paper, I let the guilt, fear, and longing drag my hand across the new page. First came the head, then the eyes, the nose, the mouth, and then the ears. It was a memory. It was what I remembered Alby looking like the first day I had met him. He was more youthful, but his wisdom and leadership were still hidden deep in his eyes; his sternness too.

Alby was right. I wasn't bad. At least not at sketching.

 

* * *

 

I drew for hours. Shaping out the faces of the boys I knew. Newts small, but firm chin, Zart's playful blonde curls, Mikey's strong jaw, Gally's many freckles, Bach's long nose, Alby's full mouth, and Minho's sarcastic brown eyes. With each face came a memory.

I remembered catching fireflies with Newt. I remembered getting into an argument with Zart about how much fertilizer we needed. I remember Mikey teaching me how to climb trees. I remembered the day Gally had shown me the Bungalow. I remembered laying in the grass and staring up at the stars with Bach. I remembered the day Alby pulled a splinter from the palm of my hand. And I remembered seeing Minho's innocent fear filled expression when he first appeared in the box.

My hand froze at the sound of my door creaking open. "Jo?" His voice was timid, which was unlike him.

"Go away Minho," I replied continuing on with my sketch of Bach.

"I just," he opened the door a little further. He had never been in my room before. It was clear we were both uncomfortable by it. "I wanted to say I was sorry. If I hadn't-"

"I don't blame you," I said. "I want to, but I don't." The way he stared down at me made it clear he was unconvinced. It was also clear he wasn't going to leave. He didn't know who else to talk to. I shut the sketchbook, leaning over and setting it on my dresser, along with my pencil. "Come on," I said to Minho. "Get in here."

He finally took a full step into the room, shutting the door behind him. There was an uncomfortable distance between us, with his legs spread in a wide stance, his shoulders stiff and his arms crossed. "Have you talked to Alby yet?"

"Yeah, I told him everything."

"So, are you gonna run again?" he questioned.

"No," I replied simply. "Newt and Zart need me in the Gardens."

"Right," Minho sighed. "Are you sure that's just not an excuse to stick around and take care of Gally?"

I flinched. "What's with the interrogation?"

"Sorry," he apologized. "I'm not really sure what to say."

"Me neither," I replied. "Alby told me you were going back out."

"Yeah," he nodded. "I didn't really want to either, but Gally pretty much insisted."

My head jerked and my body straightened. "He's awake?"

"He's been awake all day," Minho replied. "He's not dying, he's just got a bum leg."

Not only had Gally lied to me, but Alby and Newt had lied to me too. "Why didn't anyone tell me?" I stood up running over to the corner of the room slipping on my shoes as quickly as possible.

"I don't know, I thought-"

"Minho, can we talk more later?" I didn't wait for him to respond, I was already out the door running quickly through the deadheads straight for the boy's homestead.

"Ow!" I started to hear painful grunts and groans. This only made me run faster. "Ow!" I heard again making it out of the deadheads, the homestead in sight.

"Gally?!" I cried out.

"Over here!" he grunted.

"Gally?!" I was panicked right up until the point I had actually made it to the cott the boys had set up for him. 

Gally was perfectly fine. Mikey on the other hand, was not. An injured Gally had taken the crutch that had been sitting to the side for him, and was using it to beat Mikey to the ground. Gally sat comfortably in his bed as he did so.

"Ow! Ow! Ow!" Mikey cried over and over again. It was easy to tell that while he was in pain, Mikey was exaggerating, because Gally, while normally strong, was still in too much pain himself to actually cause any real damage.

"Gally, stop," I demanded moving closer to the two, although I was careful not get to close to Gally's swinging crutch.

"Ow! Ow! Owww!"

"You wouldn't want me to if you'd heard what he said about you," Gally's voice was gruff as he continued.

"Come on, cut it out!" Mikey whined.

I wondered briefly what Mikey might have said to Gally to make him so upset. I could wait to have that question answered, though. Gally's actions were first priority. "Gally, you're already on Alby's shitlist for breaking one rule, do you really want to make it two?"

Gally ignored me again. "Ow!" Ow! Ow!"

The next thing I knew, Bach had come up behind me. "Gally," Bach's low voice projected.

"Stay out of this Bach," he shouted. Mikey's pain level was increasing.

Swiftly, Bach moved passed me and with one arm he tore the crutch out of Gally's grasp. "What did he say about Jo?" Bach asked. I never realized how intimidating Bach was. Maybe because he was always so quiet.

Gally regretted his wording from earlier. I could tell by his eyes drifting between the three of us. "Gal, what did he say?" I repeated the question.

I was asking the wrong person. As Gally looked away, refusing to answer, I move on to Mikey, pulling him up by his shirt and using one arm to pull his face close to me. "What did you say, Michael?"

He gulped at the usage of his full name. "I... uh..."

"If you say it behind my back, you can say it to my face."

"Uhhh..."

"Jo," Gally started. He was trying to reason with me, knowing full well that whatever damage he had done, I could do far worse.

"Say it to my face, Michael.

"I," his lip quivered. "I told Gally you had a nice ass."

My gut twisted. On one hand what he said made me deeply uncomfortable, but on another hand, not enough to beat him to pulp, like Gally had attempted.

"Seriously?" Bach looked to Gally.

Gally licked his lips and said to Mikey, "Go on. Tell her what else you said."

Mikey attempted to lose eye contact, but I tugged him closer to my sneering face. His voice was low and ashamed. "I said," he gritted his words through his teeth. "That I'd really like to get my hands on it."

I had heard enough but Gally pushed again, "And?"

"...I asked Gally if he managed to get his hands on you yet?"

I had no idea how to react to any of this at first. Mikey's attraction to me had never been a secret, but knowing and actually hearing what he wanted to do to me were two completely different things. My body stiffened. The hand gripping his shirt flattened onto his chest. "Jo, I'm so sorry," he spoke frantically. "It's just you're so pretty."

With rage filled hands, I pushed him into the ground.

Pretty. No one had ever called me that before. Was I pretty? I only wondered for a moment about what I looked like, but quickly shoved that thought to the side. It didn't matter.

I looked up at at Bach, "Give me that crutch."

As I reached for it, Bach raised it above his head. "Not gonna happen."

"Fine," I turned back to Mikey leaning over him with a fist raised aiming at his jaw.

"What is going on over here?" Alby stood in front of us all. His paternal air bringing a calm to the group.

"Gally was the first to speak. "It was my fault."

"Than why does Jo look like she's about to beat the crap out of Mikey?"

"Well, maybe if he didn't open his big mouth so much he wouldn't be in this mess," I replied bitterly. My fist rose again, but, my arm was nearly pulled out of its socket by Alby before it could make contact with Mikey's face.

Alby pulled me off of him quickly, and forcefully. Bach helped him. "You really wanna play this game again Jo?" Anger, disappointment, and true threat reeked off of his presence. I gulped, but glared at him carefully. I felt no reason to defend myself. "You, Minho, and Gally, are all going on trial tomorrow." I said nothing. "Maybe I was wrong. Maybe you are too self-centered."

And with that final word, Alby turned around swiftly and walked away.

Bach, Mikey, and Gally all had their eyes on me, but I was focused on the ground with my lips pierced together. Disappointing Alby was the last thing I wanted, and hearing those words come out of his mouth felt so much harsher than anything Gally had or could have said to me. 

Without giving a glance to Gally or Bach, I crouched down to Mikey getting close to his face. "Don't talk to me, don't look at me, don't even come near me. You don't exist to me."

Mikey had at least been smart enough not to reply. I walked back to my Bunagalow, letting the air drown out Gally's call for attention.


	11. Day 41

The verdict had been decided. Minho was given one day in the Pit for abandoning Gally and I in the maze. Gally was given two days for going into the maze without permission and harming another glader. I was given one day for attempting to harm another glader, and Mikey was given zero days for harming another glader.

I wasn't surprised that he wasn't punished. Alby, Bach,  Zart; They didn't see what the big deal was. And, it's not like he actually laid a hand on me, but what he said- I couldn't stop hearing the words in my head.

 _You've got a nice ass. I'd love to get my hands on it. Has Gally gotten his on you yet?_ They just made me feel so... gross, disgusting, uncomfortable, queasy, and in all honesty, a little bit worthless.

_You've got a nice ass. I'd love to get my hands on it. Has Gally gotten his on you yet?_

"I'm sorry he hurt your feelings, Jo but, it's not like he actually did anything to you. You don't have a bruise on your arm like Mikey does." Those were the similar words that most of the boys had used as their argument for not punishing Mikey. And in all honesty, they were right, I didn't have a bruise on my body, but I was never asking for him to be put in the Pit. I was just asking for a some kind of a consequence to what he had said to me. But most of them didn't understand that.

 _You've got a nice ass. I'd love to get my hands on it. Has Gally gotten his on you yet?_   

Newt was sympathetic and he did at least try to vouch for me. Minho was surprisingly very much the same, although I couldn't tell if that was because he actually wanted to help, or if it was because he still felt guilty about what happened in the Maze. I was grateful to him either way. Gally was down right furious. Unfortunately, his anger was probably not going to convince anyone that either of our actions were morally sound. I'd give him credit for trying though. Even if his behavior the last few days had been a little confusing, and mostly frustrating.

Minho spent his day in the box first. And on that day Gally had kicked Mikey off of his team of builders. He knew Alby wouldn't punish Mikey but that didn't mean he wouldn't. Zart didn't believe Mikey should be punished for what he had said to me, but Zart also didn't trust him anywhere near me or the Gardens, so Alby had decided to give him a new position.

Mikey became a cook, much to the disappointment of Bach who's favorite side job was brewing up the stew for everyone at the end of the day. I too was disappointed, albeit for a different reason. I refused to eat Mikey's food. I couldn't even go near the fire pit that night. I just stayed in the Gardens picking my own vegetables.

The next day was my day in the Pit. At dusk, Alby walked me to other side of the glade from the homestead. Locked inside the pit was a sleeping Minho lying on on the dirt ground. His body was tense, curled up into a ball, and covered in sweat. His snores echoed off the crossed, caged, bars built bamboo.

"Rise and shine, Greenie," Alby hit his hand flat against the bars. Minho's arms and legs twitched at the hollow sound. As his eyes opened, he raised an arm to block the blinding sunlight.

Alby moved to untie the knot that kept the Pit's cage door locked. Desperate to get out, Minho stood up quickly. I could see his body teeter slightly and his dizziness weighing his head down. Alby swung the door open reaching his hand out to Minho to help him up. Minho didn't accept it; he simply climbed out himself. "Good look," he said. His eyes had dark circles underneath them. "You're gonna need it,  _Old_ Greenie."

My eyes rolled, not bothering to follow Minho as he lazily sauntered off, most likely to go back to sleep in his own hammock.

"Jump in," Alby said to me still holding the door open. I did as requested, my feet landing firmly in the dirt. I straightened my back out looking at the mud wall in front of me. And I was fine. I was fine.

I turned to see Alby and couldn't help but recognize the lightly tilted frown on his face as he closed the door and tied the knot locking me in. "Sorry about this Jo," he said. "I'll see you in twenty-four hours."

I watched him leave, and I was fine.

I was fine until his feet were out of view. And suddenly for a third time I was back in the cage, the sirens blaring, the floor shaking, and my heart nearly bursting out of it's chest. I was going to die. I was sure of it. My body pulled itself into the corner of the pit. I brought my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs tightly. My breath heaved as I huddled with my head hiding between my legs.

 _It's okay,_ I thought.  _You're okay_. The more I repeated it in my head the more frustrated and frantic I became. Mikey's words began to ring through my head again, Y _ou've got a nice ass. I'd love to get my hands on it. Has Gally gotten his on you yet?_

"It's okay," I spoke aloud this time. "You're okay." I said it over and over again like a mantra. "It's okay, you're okay."  But, no matter how many times I said it, I still felt the pain, the loneliness, the isolation digging into my bones.

Y _ou've got a nice ass. I'd love to get my hands on it. Has Gally gotten his on you yet?_

"It's Okay. You're Okay." I began to hum between each phrase. "It's Okay." My heart rate finally started to slow. "You're okay."

The humming relaxed me. Changing pitches, and volume, playing with the sound vibrating through my body had been oddly comforting. I went on like that for what was probably hours, rocking back and forth with my eyes squeezed shut.

"Jo?" Newt's soft english voice swept through the bars of the Pit. I looked up at him. He was holding a plate of food. "I've got something for you."

I relaxed my arms and crawled my way closer to Newt. I peered over to look at the diced vegetables and meat (probably rabbit, it was always rabbit) sitting on the plate. I was starving and the smell, as gross as it might have been to those not living in the wilderness, had my stomach growling. Unfortunately, the thought of who made it dispersed my appetite. "If Mikey 'got his hands on this', I don't want it." I stated bitterly. But  after speaking for the first time in hours, I realized just how dry and deserted my mouth was. 

"Alby said if you don't eat-"

"Newt," my exhausted eyes bored into him. "I'm not eating it."

"Okay," he said calmly. Reacting to my chapped lips and the raspiness of my voice, he pulled his cantine off of his belt loop and offered it to me though the bars. "At least keep yourself hydrated, yeah?"

I nodded. "Thanks," I grabbed the cantine from him hastily, removing the top, and gulping the the water down quickly. I only  took a moment to enjoy the wet, cool water as it ran down my throat. The cantine didn't leave my lips until I absorbed every last drop.

"Enjoy that?" Newt asked with an eyebrow quirked, as I let out a quenched sigh.

"Mhmm," I replied with a lazy nod. I handed the cantine back to him.

"Hang in there, Jo," he said as he tucked his cantine away. "You're halfway done."

"Thanks Newt," I said.

He leaned in close to the cage and whispered with a smile, "Maybe later I'll sneak you an ere of corn from the gardens. It's finally started to grow in."

"Corn would be great," I chuckled greatfully.

"I have to get back," Newt said with disappointment in his eyes, but a comforting smile. "But, I'll see you later, okay?"

"Yeah," I confirmed.

I grunted, falling back down into the dirt. Thanks to Newt, I felt a little better about my surroundings. He was a nice reminder that I wouldn't be trapped forever. At least not in this stupid prison.

I rolled over to face the mud wall, adjusting my arm to use it as a pillow. Now that I was no longer anxious, I was beginning to crash. I surrendered myself to sleep.

 

* * *

 

"Hey," the whisper of someone's voice broke through to my consciousness. I rolled over, opened my eyes, and looked up to see Gally leaning against his crutch, staring past the bars that he had built, and onto my tired face. It was cooler out than it had been before. From the looks of it, the sun had just gone down. "Are you awake?"

"I am now," I replied with a tired giggle.

"Well come here then," he encouraged. I stood, putting myself right in front of the pit's door. I had to lift up my chin to get a full of the tall boy who had a suspicious grin on his face. "Newt wanted me to give you this." Gally gave a quick check to his surroundings. After he was sure the coast was clear, he rummaged through his satchel pulling out an ear of corn. "M'lady," he said  leaning down and displaying the fresh food to me. My heart leapt at the offer, weaving my arm through the bamboo. I stretched out my fingers and Gally placed the ear of corn in my hand. His calloused and bruised fingers brushed lightly against mine making us both blush and look away. 

I pulled the corn into the cage and began to shuck off the husk willfully. "Thanks Gally," I said.

"Hey," he said like a whispered warning. "Be careful. If Alby catches you we'll both get an extra day in the pit."

"Right. I'll just hide it behind my back for now," and I did just that, gripping onto it with both hands like any best kept secret. "How was your day?"

"Pretty boring," he shrugged. I watched as he struggled to sit down on the ground. "I can't really do much building while I've got this bum leg."

"I guess not," I said. This was the first time we had really talked since the incident; since both incidents really. "Gally, why did you lie to me?"

"What?"

"You said that Alby sent you to come with Minho and I. To keep an eye on us, but he didn't. You lied to me."

Gally nodded at the reminder, his eyebrows squinting together. His lips were pierced for a moment. "I don't know," he said honestly. "I woke up that morning, and I realized I just- I had to do it. And I knew Alby would say no, so it was just easier to lie than to be upfront about it and get you and Minho in trouble too." I wasn't quite sure how to respond yet. "But look where that got us. You both got put in the Pit anyway."

"Minho and I were the ones who ran off, okay? And I'm the one who almost killed Mikey."

"To be fair," he said. "I actually hit Mikey, you didn't."

"Can we please not play the whose the bigger Slinthead Game?" I asked practically begging to change the subject.

"Sorry," he replied. "But if we were playing, Mikey would be the winner hear, right?" I grinned in slight amusement. He began pulling at the grass underneath him, a nervous habit that I had seen a few times before. "And I'm sorry if it feels like I've been avoiding you the last few days, it's just I kind of figured you'd be pissed at me."

"I didn't think you were avoiding me," I reassured him. "If anything I was avoiding you. I felt guilty about what happened in the maze and- And why would I be pissed at you?"

"I stood up for you," he said. "You hate it when I do that."

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do," he argued back. "You always say, 'I can fight my own battles.'"

"And I can," I said without hesitation. "But sometimes it's nice to have someone fight alongside me." His hands let go of the grass. "Thank you for beating up Mikey. He's an ass and he deserved it. But maybe next time, you could talk to me first? And wait for your leg to heal, please? Better yet maybe we could challenge him to like, a duel or something."

Gally chuckled. "A duel? Really?"

"Yeah," I giggled. "I mean, not the deadly kind, but you know."

He laughed harder this time. "Yeah, sure."

"Gally, what are you doing over there?" Bach shouted out of view.

"I'm coming!" Gally replied. "I guess I'll see you at dusk tomorrow?" he pouted at me.

"Yeah," I replied not wanting him to leave. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Gally used his crutch to help him get up, and as he caught his balance, he opened his mouth to speak.

"What?" I inquired.

"Uhhh," he blushed. "H-Have you ever thought-"

He somehow managed to cut himself off, as well as get cut off by Bach. "Hey, Shank! Alby's gonna give you an extra day if you don't get over here. Now!"

Gally ignored him, looking at me and began to ask the question again. "Have you seen my sketchbook?" His tone of voice had changed. That wasn't what he was going to ask me. "I know that I'm gonna be in the pit the next two days, but when I'm done I'd kind of like to get started on some new expansion ideas. Seeing as I can't really do a lot of actual building right now, I thought maybe I could design something new. Maybe a med-bay," he coughed out a laugh.

"It's in the Bungalow," I replied with a disappointed smile. I wasn't sure why I was disappointed. I didn't even know what he was going to ask me.

Not wanting him to see the work I had done, I made a point to let him know I'd bring it to him rather than vice versa. "I'll give it back to you when they let you out of the pit." He nodded. "Is there anything else you wanted to ask me?"

"Huh? What?" he looked at me practically stunned that I would even ask such a thing. "No. I'll see you later," he pivoted away from me limping back to the Homestead.

 

* * *

 

The night continued on. I enjoyed the ere of corn Gally had brought to me. There was an immediate relief when I had chomped down on it and tasted the juicy cournals. Zart had been working on growing the cornfield since before I had arrived and, man, if it wasn't satisfying to finally get a taste of it. I had finished it before I even remembered taking the first bight.

The darkness of the night sky had taken over my environment. I was sitting back in the corner of the pit, still feeling a bit uneasy. Still feeling trapped like I had been in the Box.

I lazily threw the empty cob to the far side of the Pit and brushed my hands off with my pants.

"Jo?"

It was not a voice I wanted to hear.

I didn't stand up to greet him like I had with Newt and Gally. I didn't look at him. Unfortunately, I couldn't help but listen to him.

"I know I don't exist to you," he said. "And I know that there's probably nothing I could do to make what I said okay. But I am sorry, Jo. I wish there was something I could do to make it better."

 _Are you really sorry?_ I wondered.  _Or are you just sorry you got caught?_

"I brought you some leftover stew," he offered. I could hear him place it the grass right in front of the bars. "You don't have to take it, but it's there if you want it. Alby and the other guys are already in bed, so you won't get caught or anything."

Silence. I sink into the ground and roll over to face away from the door. Mikey's footsteps slipped away into the night.

The pungent smell of the stew slowly crept through my nostrils, only making my stomach growl. Pulling myself up slowly, I crept to the opening and stared at the bowl in front of me. My hands carefully reached for it, bringing it into the cage. I took another whiff. I was so hungry that for a moment, maybe even just a second I brought the edge of bowl to my lips. Just as the broth was about to hit my tongue, I stopped. I sat the bowl on the ground next to the corn husks, and laid back down, falling into a deep and somehow peaceful sleep.


	12. Day 61

Two months ago I entered the Glade without a single memory, frightened, overwhelmed, and alone. It had been sixty one days and I still couldn't remember a single moment before I had arrived in the Glade, and yet in just sixty one days I was filled to the brim with new memories. Some of them were good; like the time the boys and I spent an entire day playing an extreme version of tag out in the rain, or the evenings I spent alone, just lying in the grass and looking up at the stars. And some of them were bad, like the day Gally got hurt, or the day I had spent caged inside the Pit.

It had been sixty one days, and maybe I was still a little frightened. I was scared of snakes. I was scared of the Grievers. I was always on edge after what Mikey had done, although I still didn't know why. I was scared to lose the people I had come to care for. I was still scared of the Box. But I was no longer scared about how I was going to survive. I was no longer overwhelmed by every little piece of information that was thrown my way. That felt like progress.

It had been sixty one days, and I still felt alone, although it was a different kind of loneliness. No matter what I did, now matter how well they treated me, there was always going to be some small divide, even if it was just a biological one . I wished it didn't matter, but it did. There were things they would never understand about me, as there were many things I would never understand about them. But,  one thing I had learned in such a short span of time, was that in the end that doesn't really make much of a difference as long as we were supportive of each other, and we had empathy for each other. And in that way, I supposed that I was less lonely. I was their equal, and that was clear the moment I was finally able to open up to them . As much as I hated the creators for putting me in the maze, I often found myself thanking them for putting me there with Newt, Gally, Zart; in some ways I was lucky. They were my friends, and the closest thing that I might have ever had to family.

It had been sixty one days and that meant it was time for a new Greenie. Once again, my hopes to have another female in the glade were sadly dashed. Ben was the next to appear in the Box. My first impression of him was the same I had of Minho. Scared out of his mind, a loose canon, a bit arrogant, and hungry as hell. Between the two of them they probably could have swallowed all of our crops in an hour. It was no surprise to anyone that they had become close friends in a matter of seconds. They bonded over their love of food, being the two newest members of the glade, and above all else, teasing me. Of course Minho's antics were something I had gotten used to. He was more like a big brother than a total nuisance like he had been when I was first getting to know him. He spent a good deal of time that day teaching Ben how to push my buttons.

But, while it was nice to have a fresh face in the glade, Ben's arrival was easily the most dull thing that happened on Box Day. The more exciting development was the goats. Yes, Ben came up with a pair of goats, and we spent all day talking about the what we were going to do about our new friends.

"Look I'm telling you guys," Minho began. We were all sitting around the fire pit after dinner attempting to wind down from a long day; Everyone except for Mikey who never spent much time around any of us anymore. I sat with Newt and Gally to my left, and Bach to right. Everyone else, including Minho, sat on the other side of the empty fire pit. "Let's just fry 'em up right now! I am so tired of eating lettuce, corn and rabbit." Zart, Newt and I all rose eyebrows at the Runner. "It's not that I don't appreciate vegetables okay? But I need meat,  _real_  meat."

"We can't kill them," Newt said rationally. "They're no good to us if they're dead."

"I beg to differ," Gally smirked. "I think they'll taste pretty freaking good."

"You know what else tastes good? Goat's milk," Zart pointed out. "If you kill them now they'll be good for one or two meals. If we keep them longer we can use their milk. Not just to drink, but for cooking too."

"Exactly," Newt agreed.

"Yeah, but-"

"Has anybody bothered to check the sex?" I asked. Each of the boys eyes opened wide, they blushed, and promptly looked away, accept for Alby who attempted to retain his composure. "I'm just saying, if we've got one male and one female we can breed them."

"Jo's, right," Alby agreed. "A female can't produce milk if she doesn't have babies to provide milk for."

"How do you know that?" Zart perked up. Alby simply shrugged.

"Well I'm not gonna touch the goat's...thing," Minho said. 

I rolled my eyes at his immaturity. "Seriously?" Alby and I spoke simultaneously.

"What if one of them like, kicks me in the face or something?" he replied.

"Really Minho? You can run in and out of the maze every other day, but you you're scared of a goat?" Zart smirked, amused at himself.

"Well, if you're so brave why don't you do it," Minho egged Zart on.

"I'm not gonna do it!" Zart exclaimed. "Who cares about it hurting me, I'm afraid, I'll hurt it."

"Yeah, because you're  _sooo_ strong," Minho rolled his eyes, and each of us chuckled, except for Bach who stood out of great frustration.

"Oh for- I'll do it!" He proclaimed. "Where are they?" Our eyes began to search. The sun had already begun to set, leaving a beautiful orange glow around the Glade, but making it harder to see the details in the open area.

"Maybe we should split up?" Ben suggested. "Divide and conquer?"

"Good idea, Greenie," Alby approved, with a pat on Ben's shoulder.

"Jo and I will take the area by the North doors," Bach said.

I was taken slightly aback by his the idea. Bach had never been close to anyone, especially not me. "Oh," I said, but quickly attempted not to sound surprised. "Sure."

"Gally, you want to pair up?" Newt asked.

Gally nodded, "You sure you want the kid with the sprained ankle, Newt?"

"Two kids with bad legs is better than one I suppose," Newt joked and then turned to Alby. "We'll take the South."

"Minho, you want to hit up the East?" Ben offered. "I don't know where that is, so I may need a hand."

"Sounds good to me," Minho sighed, shaking the Greenie's hand with a smirk. "But you gotta promise to protect me from those scary goats!"

"I'll protect you with my life," Ben entertained hitting his chest with his fist. It was nice to see someone who had assimilated into the group so quickly. Unlike Minho and I, Ben seemed to take the "no memories and being locked inside a maze" thing rather well.

"I guess that means I'm with Alby," Zart said.

"The West it is," Alby agreed.

We each split up into our objective areas. Bach and I walked casually toward the North Doors keeping a lookout for our new furry friends. "So..." I said attempting to spark up some sort of conversation."

"So, what?" Bach said plainly.

"I don't know," I replied. "You know me, never been the best with small talk."

"Silence doesn't have to be uncomfortable, you know. If you don't feel the need to talk, don't." Bach began walking at twice the time of his original pace.

"Okay, then..."

The sun had dimmed almost fully as we made our way through the small cornfield. When we reached the end, Bach pushed his head out of the tall corn plants to look out out at the rest of the Gardens. "Shit," I heard him whisper under his breath.

"What?" I peaked my own head out, in an attempt to see his point of view. "Shit," I spoke in a regular volume. One of the them, the smaller black haired goat with white around the ears, snout, and just under its belly, had gotten into the crops; chewing nonchalantly into our root vegetables.

I was about to take step forward when I felt Bach's hand quickly grip around my wrist. "Shhh," he breathed out and then whispered, "Wait. We don't wanna spook it."

"It's getting into our crops!" I whispered back frantically.

"Yeah, I can see that." He took a moment to think, peeking his head out to look at the goat once more. "Okay, here's what we're gonna do. We split up, I'll take one side of the field, you take the other, and we quietly make our way toward the little beast, and when we get close enough, we grab it by the horns."

"What if we hurt it?"

"I'm a little more concerned about it hurting us, and our food supply at the moment," Bach was quick to point out.

I groaned begrudgingly, "Yeah, alright. Let's go."

"You stay here. I'll move around," Bach ordered. I watched him disappear back into the center of the cornfield. I turned around, looking off at our new friend, and smiling at its innocence. Despite the frustration of the goat making a meal of our hard work, there was something rather peaceful about watching this adorable creature behave naturally in our habitat. I wished I had the same kind of ignorance about my surroundings.

Bach popped into my peripheral vision from several yards away. My eyes followed his frame quietly and sneakily make his way to the other side of the field. His face was concentrated as his eyes locked onto mine and gave me solid head nod. Moving as slowly and gently as I could, I made my way out of the corn plants and into our rooted crops. My gaze continues to shift between the goat and Bach, just checking to make sure we were on the same page.

When we made it about two feet away from the goat Bach gave me another nod signaling me to make a leap for the goats horns. Just as I was about to jump, the goats small head turned upward from the crops. He- or she was looking at me.

"What are you doing?" Bach whispered sharply.

I ignored him, stepping closer to our new friend. It was more beautiful and calm up close then it had been from far away.

"Jo..."

"Shhh..." I said both to calm Bach and the goat. I crouched to the ground, my hands leaning into the dirt. I gripped my hands around one of the green stems rooted in the soild and briskly pulled out a carrot. I reached out to the animal. It hesitated for a moment, sniffing out the end of the orange vegetable, running it's nostrils all over it before it began to nibble. I let out a silent giggle at the goats enthusiasm for the fresh food. Pulling my other hand out of the dirt I began to pet its side, doing my best to keep it relaxed. It's soft hair weaved through my fingers as I felt their breath moving their chest up and down, at a slow and rhythmic pace. "You can look now," I said to Bach.

"Huh?" he said. I hadn't noticed because I was to focused on the goat, but Bach had been staring intently at me.

"The sex," I said. Keeping one hand on the animal, and the other hand on the half chewed charrot. "Check the sex."

"Oh right," Bach shook his head back into reality and peeked underneath the goats stomach. "I think it's a girl," he said bending his body down a little farther. "Yep, definitely a girl."

I grinned even wider, "Well hello there," I said warmly to my new friend. "Bach, go find Alby. And bring a rope."

"A rope?"

I nodded, "To make a leash. We can tie her up to a tree tonight so she doesn't get into any more of our food source, and then hopefully the builders can start getting to work on a fenced area for her and her pal tomorrow." I made a quick glance up in his direction. "Go," I insisted. He rushed off as I directed my attention back to the goat.

"You like carrots, huh?" I asked as she start to really chomp down on the carrot. "I'm more of a potato girl myself, but to each their own I guess." She paused for a moment and let out the cutest little sneeze. "Gazuntite!" I giggled. She finished up the rest the carrot, and I let my other hand move the other side of her body, to comfort her more. "You know, if you're gonna be our new neighbor, you're gonna need name."

"Jo," my thoughts were interrupted by the appearance of Alby with a rope in hand. Zart was only a few feet behind him, followed by Gally and Newt.

"Hey," I said. "Go ahead and just gently tie a loose knot around her neck."

"Her?" Newt raised an eyebrow.

"Well, that's good," Zart patted Alby''s shoulder. "We've got a male and a female."

"You caught the other one?" I asked.

"Not exactly," Alby said as he bent down next to me and the goat and formed the rope around her neck.

"Minho and Ben got a quick second to look at him, and then the poor thing got scared and started chasing after them," Newt said.

"Chasing after  _them_?" I asked rhetorically with a giggle. "Yeah, that sound right."

"There," Alby finished the knot. "I'll take her over to the homestead. Seeing as your so good at this, why don't you go help Minho and Ben with the other little guy."

"Sure." I stood and as I did so, I started to hear the sound of Minho's voice from the other side of the Glade.

"Get back here!" The male goat came dashing out of the field. Minho came barreling through next. 

"Oh come on!" Ben shouted not too far behind the Runner. He quickly caught up with him, running into Minho causing them both to trip and fall. It didn't take them long to get off their feet to go after the male goat again.

"Well, at least their chasing him now," Zart shrugged as we all laughed at the two boys frantically running across the Glade. 

Through his own laughter Newt said, "I'd definitely say that's an improvement!"


	13. Day 62

"Jo!"

My head shook back into focus. "Huh?"

"I said, could you cut that out," it was Zart, his gloved hands deep in fertilizer.

"Cut what out?" I questioned. I was kneeling on the ground quenching each plant with water.

"The humming," he said. Had I been humming? If so I hadn't noticed. "No offense kid, but your a little tone deaf, and I'd kind of like to get done by the end of the day without a headache."

Ouch, I thought moving back into my work. "Sir, yes Sir."

"Hey, Jo," Newt who'd been working only a few feet away started walking toward me with a metal pail in hand. "Why don't you go check on our new furry friends."

Grasping the handle of the bucket away from Newt I replied with a simple sigh and an, "Okie-dokie."

When I got to the pair of Goat's who were both still tied to a tree on the outskirts of the forest, I knelt down to the one I was most familiar with. "Hey...Girl," I said awkwardly petting her side. "You really need a name, don't you?" I thought for a moment. "How about... Cleopatra?" I laughed at myself for even thinking such a thing. "No, that's too long...mhm... Molly?" I smiled as soon as the name left my lips. "Hello, Molly."

I turned to the male goat who was laying on the ground, already lazily chomping at the grass. "Exhausted from chasing Minho and Ben around last night, huh?" I smirked. I laughed when he sneezed, taking that as a yes. His hair was was a soft brown, and just like Molly, his stomach and snout were white. "Your name is definitely Puck," I giggled. I don't know where I had gotten the idea from, but much like Molly, it just felt right.

"You know, they say names are a sign of attachment," Gally, for who knows how long, had been standing behind me, a smirk spread out on his lips, and as per usual, he was leaning against his crutch.

"Who says that?" I asked peeking my head around my shoulder and keeping one hand on Molly.

Gally shrugged, "Somebody, somewhere I'm sure. I didn't make it up myself. At least I don't think I did?" I laughed as his voice peaked and he squinted his eyebrows in confusion. "One of those weird memory things, you know?"

I nodded, as he took a seat to the right of me directly in front of the newly named, Puck. "Weird memory thing?" I questioned.

"Yeah, you know, like how Zart magically has a green thumb, and Minho being such a great Runner, and you and your newfound animal expertise."

"I'm not an expert," I replied. "I just followed my instincts, kind of like you do. You know, when your building."

I watched him lick his lips and look up in the trees in thought. "Do you ever think that maybe it's not instinct?"

"What, like we were all pre-programmed in a lab somewhere?" I scoffed with a smile. I leaned in close to him whispered. "Gally, I don't know if I've ever told you this but I'm secretly a robot."

He nudged my shoulder with a chuckle, "I'm serious. What if we're taught these things and we just don't remember being taught."

"Yeah," I said softly. "I have thought about that." And it was true. I had always wondered how Alby knew how to be such a good leader, and how Bach new how to whittle those little figurines of his. I also wondered where I had learned to draw, because when I did, it never felt like pure talent; it felt like skill. "I kind of like to imagine it's because of our parents."

"Parents?" he shifted. "You think about that a lot?"

My hands moved through Molly's hair again. I think she was comforting me as much as I was comforting her. "Mostly about my mom. What she might be like. You've never thought about it?"

"A little," he said honestly. "But, then I ask myself, what's the point? I've got family here, that's all I need."

The sentiment was sweet, but also a little sad. "Don't you ever just want to live in a fantasy for a little while?" I asked. "Escape the Glade?"

"I like it here," he said simply. "I think we could build something really great. Why look toward the past, when we're in the present."

"Because we don't have a future," I replied. And if you don't care about the past than why do you care how we remember things? That's what I wanted to ask, but I was more concerned about something else. "Gally," I started. "This isn't our home. You know that right? We were put here against our will."

Gally pierced his lips, and shook his head. He was trying hard not to fight back. "I've gotta get back to work. Sorry, I bothered you."

"Hold on a second," I grabbed him by the arm before he could move. "Just because we disagree, doesn't mean you were bothering me." He scoffed at me in disbelief and tried to move again. I stopped him. Again. "Newt made this feed for the Goats to snack on,"I referenced the pail sitting next to me, and moved it between the two of us. "Just take a handful," I said doing just that. "And then hold out your hand nice and flat." Molly's nostrils smelt my hand before licking up the grains, her tongue tickling my palm. Gally followed my lead, taking some feed out of the pail, and reaching out to Puck, hesitating ever so slightly. "It's okay," I said. "He's not going to hurt you."

"Are you talking to the goat or to me?" Gally asked as Puck finally noticed the food made available to him.

"Mhm... both," I smiled. I watched Puck sniff at the feed. He was just as hesitant as Gally, but after a few moments of sussing out the situation, Puck enthusiastically dived into the food.

"This feels weird," Gally said, holding back a smile.

"Yeah, it does," I agreed. "Pet him, it helps build trust...I think. It did for me."

"Okay," unsure of himself, Gally reached out his other hand. He jumped a little when Puck suddenly shook his head briskly. It wasn't until Puck nuzzled back into the food in is his left hand that Gally's right hand made it to Puck's back. "Wow," he said under his breath; a sense of relief rushing over him. "Wow."

There was something about those furry creatures, that brought a whole new light to the glade. I never realized how beautiful it was. Just get rid of the four walls, and it would have been perfect. It would have been natural and raw. The way it enhanced all the senses, through the sounds of the birds chirping, the smell of the grass growing underneath my feet, the touch of Molly's hair, the sight of the trees towering over us, and the taste of the cool wind breeze. It really was beauty at its finest.

I could tell Gally felt the same. He was always stressed. Even when he was happy, there was always something poking him in the back of his mind. His body was always tense, like he was trying to fill it up with all the pain and suffering he had endured in the last few months. I always thought that one day he would overflow, and it would all come pouring out of him like a waterfall. But seeing him then, with him enfolding Puck into his arms, it was like all the pain had been washed away. There really was such a thing as peace. And if that was true, than maybe there was also such a thing as hope.

_______________________________________________________________________

The rest of the day played out like they all do, but as I sat on my bed doing my best to detangle my frizzy blonde hair with my fingers, I thought about those fleeting moments of quiet I had with Gally that afternoon. I could still feel the the warmth in my stomach from our time together. 

"Jo," it was Gally knocking on the other side of the door to my bungalow. "Are you decent?"

Barefoot, I carefully moved toward the door, opening it, finding a depressed looking Gally towering in front of me. "What's wrong?" I asked moving out of his way so he could enter the room.

He didn't reply right away. Instead, he flopped his body onto my cot, dropping his crutch without any care. All that tension I had seen in him before, once again rising to the top. He sighed, "Tell me about those fantasies. How exactly do you 'escape'?"

I was about to ask him what was wrong again, but I quickly realized talking about his problems wasn't what he needed right now. "It's like I said I think about my parents," I replied with a sigh, taking a seat next to him back on the bed.

"Like...?"

"My mom was lawyer," I said. "A total city girl, until she met my dad."

"Let me guess," Gally said. "He was a farmer."

"No," I said. Naturally, I could feel myself laying down next to him, our bodies facing one another, both of us using an elbow to hold up our heads. "He was a total artist type, a bit of hippie."

"I can see that," Gally smirked. "You've always seemed like the creative type too."

I blushed, but continued on. "When they met, he convinced her to move out to this little house right by the ocean. She was still a lawyer of course, and after she had me her life was a full on balancing act. But she always, always made it work."

"Your father was a stay at home Dad," Gally said. "He'd take you out to the ocean everyday, tried to teach you how to swim."

"But I was too scared of drowning," I continued. "He was a good dad."

"Yeah, meanwhile my old man is off traveling all the time. Not around much."

"What?" I liked that Gally was starting to play along, but that seemed pretty tragic.

"Mom took care us though. She struggled, but she made a good home for me and Gibs."

I inhaled deeply, remembering the story Gally had told me so long ago. "She was an architect," I said, trying to paint a better picture for him. "You lived in a small town where everyone knows each other, not too far from the country."

"The country?"

"You're definitely a country boy," I said smiling softly at him.

He scooched in closer to me, mostly to keep himself from falling off the small cot. "Yeah, I guess you're right. A country boy with an architect mom."

"And they loved baking cookies together," I said.

"Mhmm," he moaned at the thought. "That's something I miss," he said.

"Cookies?" I questioned. "I wish I could say I remembered the taste. I just know they're supposed to taste good."

"No," he said. "Just the idea of home cooked anything. If I could have anything come up from that box, aside from a way out, it would be nice chicken dinner with mashed potatoes, apple pie..."

"Yep," I giggled. "Definitely a country boy."

"Come on, there has to be something you miss."

"Yeah," it was my turn to scooch in closer to him, his knees gently bumping into my legs. "Music."

"Music?"

"I wish we had music. Just beautiful sounds rippling across the Glade. I wish I could remember a song, or the sound of a guitar, or a cello, or a flute. I don't know, I guess I just miss the art of it all. Sounds pretty dumb when I say it out loud though." I relieved the arm holding up my head. It was beginning to sore. Nervously, Gally rested his free arm on my waist, as I comfortably nuzzled my nose into his shirt. It was nice. The feeling of someone else's warmth; Something I had been starved of since I had gotten there.

"I could sing for you," he spoke softly. At first I thought he was joking, but when I looked up at him, there wasn't an ounce of humor on his face; just sincerity. 

My heart swelled at the offer, and I wondered for a moment, as I lay wrapped in his arms with him looking at me so attentively, if this was what love felt like. Not love, in the romantic sense, just simple and pure, deep affection and care for another person. Raw, and real, and beautiful love. 

"Will you just stay with me until I fall asleep?" I asked meekly.

Gally let his other arm out from underneath his head and pulled me in closer. I was engulfed in him. I started to think that maybe he had the same question running through his mind, but those thoughts quickly fell away. Listening to the rhythmic beat of his heart, I drifted away into the best sleep I'd had since coming to the glade.


	14. Day 93

That hadn't been the last time Gally had fallen asleep in my bungalow. He stopped by a few more times, mostly after a particularly long day he'd stay and we'd talk in a quiet murmurs, building our fantasies in our heads until he thought I had fallen asleep. After, he'd quietly make his way back to his own hammock, and I'd wake up in an empty bed the next morning. They day would drag on with neither of us ever speaking about the previous night's events. Why would we? Those were our secrets to keep. 

Things in the Glade were quieter than usual, but I couldn't help feeling like there was something wrong; like there was something a few of the boys had been keeping from the whole group. It wasn't far off from Ben's arrival that he replaced Bach as Minho's running partner. Bach was perfectly content going back to building with Gally, and a the time, Ben couldn't have been more ecstatic to get away from him.

It wasn't that he disliked Gally on a personal level. On the contrary, Gally and Ben got along quite well when they weren't working. Unfortunately though, Ben just couldn't deal with Gally's need to be right all the time. Alby quickly recognized that, as well as how how close he and Minho had become. It certainly helped that he was one of the more agile members of the group as well.

It wasn't long after the pair had started running together that the atmosphere in the Glade seemed to change. Everyday they'd come back more exhausted than the next. He'd never admit to it, but Minho was scared and by the quite tense conversations he would have with our leader, he was making Alby scared too.I tried asking Minho about it one morning before he left, but he simply replied, "Worry about your own job Jo, and I'll worry about mine."

Maybe I shouldn't have been prying, but then again if it was something that affected all of us, didn't I have the right to know?

Gally was glad to have Bach back in his corner, and he was even happier to finally be completely healed from his injury. Newt on the other hand, pretended like it didn't bother him, but I knew that it did. I saw the disappointment, and even a little jealousy as Gally threw his crutch into the grass, sprinted toward me, and joyously lifted me over his shoulder. He missed having someone like him around; someone else with a limp; someone who at least partially understood the obstacles he faced. "It was nice. Having someone I could talk to about it," Newt confided in me one afternoon.

Days turned into weeks, and the next thing we knew, we were at another box day. I anxiously awaited, still hopeful that another young woman would appear.

I was let down again. But the two new boys seemed nice enough. Jeff, who remembered his name almost right away, was the smaller of the two, but he was still and inch or two higher than me. He was quieter than most, but much less of a loner than Bach was, and didn't isolate himself the way Mikey did.

It would take the second boy a few more days to remember his name, and even than he wouldn't tell us what it was. Eventually after watching him spend some time in the kitchen with Mikey, and how much better of a cook he was, Newt decided to declare him Frypan. When Alby asked why, Newt replied. "Because he's good with a frying pan, does it have to be any more complicated than that?"

Jeff, and Frypan were brought up with a pair of pigs, a male and a female, just like our goat friends. And, as Alby sent Jeff off to work in the Gardens, he officially put me in charge of the animals full time. 


	15. Day 123

His visits at night were becoming more and more common. It got to the point where Gally would stay with me at least three or four times a week. I'd joke with him about the need for a bigger cot. "I'd build you one," he said. "But the other guys might notice."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know," he shrugged. "I get the feeling that if the other guys found out I spent so much time with you, it might get me in trouble."

 _Trouble for what?_ I wondered. It wasn't like we were doing anything wrong. We were just talking. Last time I had checked that wasn't against the rules.

I tried to shove my worry down by turning away from him, letting his arm wrap around my waist and my back collapsing into his chest feeling his slow breathing warm the back of my neck.

I would still wake up alone, and part of me wished he would stay, but the other part had his words about getting into trouble etched into the back of my mind. I understood Gally didn't want the boys to know what we were talking about because I didn't either, but I didn't understand why him coming to visit me at night need to be such a big secret. 

____________________________________________________________

It was odd how much our little group had changed; how many more names we could add to the wall.

ALBY

NEWT

GALLY

MIKEY

BACH

ZART

JO

MINHO

BEN

JEFF

FRYPAN

We weren't just a bunch of kids trying to survive anymore. We were a society; our own little culture in a corner of the world we were forced to live in.

I continued to wait. I told myself to be patient. And if I'm being totally honest with myself, I couldn't even be disappointed when Winston arrived. I knew in my gut that I was probably going to be the only girl, and I had started to make peace with that. At least, that's what I continued to tell myself. 


	16. Day154

Gally started staying in the bungalow almost every night. I'd gotten used to it, so much so that it was harder to fall asleep when he wasn't there. Every once in a while he'd forget to leave and I'd wake up to his erratic snoring in my ear. He talked in his sleep too, but it was always, silly things. "...So many puppies...", he would groan."...Albyyyyyy, I wanna hamburger...Call me Captain, Captain..." But, he always managed to wake himself up a little before dawn, just before the others. And on a Box Day that was especially important. 

"Jo," he whispered.

"Hmmm," I mumbled into his chest, my eyes still shut.

"You gotta get off me. Newts and Bach are gonna be up earlier than usual."

"Five more minutes," I said again far too tired to move.

"Come on, you know today's important," he said. He gently gripped my wrists and attempted to pull me off of him.

"Box day can wait five more minutes," I groaned reaching out for him again.

"I'm not talking about the box, I'm talking about Alby's birthday."

"We don't have birthdays," I said.

Gally leaned down moving the hair out of my face. "He's been in the Glade for a whole year, Jo."

My body jumped awake at his response, but my eyes and my mind were still trying to catch up. "Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"Newt was trying to keep it under wraps. I'm pretty sure Bach and I are the only other people he's mentioned it too. Newt was afraid that the more people who knew the more likely the surprise would get ruined."

"It's a little weird to celebrate someone being held hostage for a year, don't you think?" I asked finally beginning to sit up.

"It's more of a thank you surprise," he replied. "He's gotten us through a lot. We'd all be dead of it wasn't for him."

"We probably would have all killed each other by now."

He didn't laugh, but he did smile at my dry humor. "You can go back to sleep if you want. Zart will probably come wake you up again before the siren starts. But I really gotta go before Newt starts wondering where I am."

And there it was again, that hint of worry of what the others thought. In the time that it took Gally to move to the other end of the room and grab his shoes and tie them up, I managed to saddle up enough courage to ask him something that had been on my mind for months. "Not to sound super insecure, or paranoid, but... are you embarrassed of me or something?"

"What?"

"Why are you always so worried the other guys are gonna catch us? I mean, what are we doing that's so terrible?"

"Nothing," he said sincerely making his way over to the bed again. He took my hand. "It's just the other guy, they-"

"Hey, Jo!"

It was Zart. He was early. "You awake?" And without any thought he swung the door open.

It looked like Alby's birthday wasn't the only surprise the rest of the Gladers were going to experience that day.


	17. Day 155

It was quickly discovered that Zart was not the person to go to if one wanted to keep a secret. He did his best to keep quiet most of that previous morning, but busted at the sight of Alby and his birthday surprise; future plans for a treehouse; the idea was Newt's and the design was Gally's. It was a nice gesture that Alby had been touched by, right up until Zart exclaimed in the middle of everyone, "I SAW GALLY AND JO CANOODLING IN HER BUNGALOW THIS MORNING!" Needless to say the rest of Alby's day was pretty much ruined.

Thankfully, it wasn't long after Zart's outburst that the box came up with another Greenie. His name was still unknown, but out of all the boys he was by far the most terrified. He tried to runaway so many times that we ended up having to lock him up in the pit. The next morning we found him sitting in a pile of his own mess. I got shivers just thinking about it

It wasn't until that afternoon that Alby had finally gotten around to dealing with whatever issue there had been with Gally and I. And it was obvious he didn't know how to handle it.

We sat in the center of the soon to be finished Council Hall with the sun beaming down on our faces. The roof had yet to be constructed. My gaze followed Alby who was pacing back in forth. Newt stood lazily at the other end of the room with his arms crossed and his back leaning against the Maze wall.

"How long?" Were the only words that Alby was able to conjure.

"A couple months," Gally said, his voice low and hesitant to respond.

Alby stopped in front of him, not taking a split second to even glance at me. "I thought we were all clear on the agreement." Despite being close lipped I could see Gally run his tongue across his teeth. "You know the rules."

"Last time I checked neither of us left the Glade," I interjected. "We didn't harm anyone, I work just as many hours as the rest of you, and Gally works more than that. So what's the problem here?"

"He broke the agreement," Newt projected, not leaving his spot.

"What agreement?" I looked to Gally.

His head was bowed, hands running through his scalp, and eyes shut. "After what happened with Mikey..." Gally started, but he couldn't finished.

"We all agreed there should be no romantic entanglements. We agreed none of us were aloud to be alone with you," Newt replied. "In case something worse than what Mikey did..." His voice trailed off, but I got the point.

I took in a breath and froze, rewinding the last few months in my head. It hadn't even occurred to me that any of the boys wouldn't want to be alone with me. Than again, most of the time we were out in an open area. Rarely were any of us really alone. There eyes and ears were always on me. Accept when I was in the Bungalow.

"There are so many things wrong with what you just said. I don't even no where to start." Alby opened his mouth to speak. "No, your not gonna tell me why you thought this was okay. Because I'm gonna break down every single reason why it's not."

"You have the floor," Alby nodded.

"First of all,  _'we'_  didn't agree to anything, because  _I_ was not a part of the conversation. Second of all, this is my life, I will decide who I want to spend my time with. And third, of all you can't protect me by sheltering me. Do you honestly think I would have let Gally anywhere near my room if I didn't want him there?"

"Jo's right," Newt murmured under his breath to Alby. "It was a stupid idea."

"We're just worried about you," Alby knelt down in front of me. His words were sincere. "The more boys there are in the Glade, the more hormones there are running around.

"And I shouldn't have to suffer just because a couple of idiots don't know how to keep it in their pants."

"You don't want to know what they say about you," Gally said under his breath. It similar to the words he had used right before I almost clocked Mikey.

I turned my head, ignoring Alby and Newt for the moment. "Yeah, I do. It's not like the walls you built are very thick. I hear a lot more than you think I do."

I heard the murmurings throughout the day from the other Gladers:

"She's pretty, isn't she?"

"Have you ever thought about asking her to... you know?

"I just wish I could talk to her. She's just so hard to approach."

"She is really cute."

"I wish she'd let me comb her hair.

"That Mikey kid was right, she does have nice ass."

I was just numb to most of it now. And not all of it made me feel uncomfortable. I was flattered the first time Frypan told me I had pretty eyes, and I blushed when I overheard Jeff talk about how he wished he could take me on a picnic date. Those comments were sweet, and I would be lying if I said part of me that like that kind of attention.

What I didn't love was all the attention my ass was getting.

"If it gets to a point where any of theses boys take it too far, I will tell you," I promised Alby. "But I'm fine. Not one of them has laid a hand on me. And not one of them has actually suggested they were planning to lay a hand on me without my permission. I don't always like what they have to say, but I recognize now that I can't always control what comes out of other people's mouths."

"Okay," Alby nodded. "It looks like you have learned."

"I'm sorry?"

"After what happened with Mikey-"

"Can we please stop bringing that up?" I rolled my eyes.

"I'm sorry," Alby replied. "And you're right. We should have consulted you about all this. You can spend time with whoever you want. But the part about about no romantic relationships? That stays. We can't afford any extra drama that might tear this group apart."

"Agreed," I nodded without hesitation. Through my peripherals, I could see a portion of Gally's shocked expression. "I don't want anything to compromise the trust we've built." Alby opened his mouth to speak again, and I cut him off. Again. "Which is why you need to be honest with us about what's going on with Minho and Ben. Why do you look so terrified every time they come home?" Alby's eyes grew wide, and he swallowed deeply. "See there it is," I pointed out. "That look you get anytime someone mentions the Maze."

"I'd kinda like to know that too," Gally finally spoke up again. Despite how much I should have appreciated his support, his voice enraged me. I didn't even have to ask him why he didn't tell me about the agreement that he and the other Gladers had made. He didn't tell me because he wanted to be the only one. In Gally's mind it was okay for him to be alone with me, but it wasn't okay for anyone else.  _You're such a hypocrite,_ I thought, my hands clenched into fists trying to focus on the task at hand.

"Alby, just tell them," Newt said finally peeling himself off the wall and joining the rest of the group.

"There's not a lot to say," Alby said. "The Maze is just more dangerous than we thought."

"How much more dangerous?" Gally asked leaning forward.

"There are traps, obstacles, and we're not sure yet; Minho still hasn't made it to the outer sections of the maze; but it's looking more and more like our prediction was right. The walls are moving."

"So that means..." Newt started.

I bit my lip and shook my head. "We're really never getting out of this place."

Newt took the seat next to me. We were three kids staring up at our leader, asking without words what we were supposed to do.

"The other boys can't know about this," Alby said. "None of us are gonna survive unless we have hope. It's more important than ever that we play the roles we're meant to play. This is where we're meant to be. For right now." All of this news just felt like more disappointment. And I was just so tired of being disappointed. "Gally, if I could see you outside for a minute. I have a personal matter to talk to you about."

Gally nodded. I caught him steal a glance at me through my peripherals, but I kept looking forward. He and Alby both made their way out of the council hall and toward the homestead.

Still reeling from all the information, I decided it was probably a good idea to head back to the Pen and check on the animals. I needed a distraction.

"Jo?" Newt said before I could leave. "I am really sorry that we all lied to you about the agreement. I don't know why any of us thought it was a good idea."

"I get why everyone else agreed to it," I said. "I even get why Gally agreed to it, as selfish as it was. But I don't really understand why you did. I always kind of thought that this was something you'd always support me on."

Shame fell over Newt's face. "It was." His gaze moved over to the two boys who had just left. They were still in midwalk and Newt's sense of longing suddenly clicked.

"Newt," I said carefully moving closer to him. "Are-Are you jealous of Gally?"

His face immediately turned to one that was swept into shock, "What? No!"

"I didn't mean to make you feel left out I just-"

"That's not it!"

"Are you sure, because-"

"Jo, stop!" It was the first time I had ever heard Newt raise his voice. "Not everything is about you. And not everything is your business."

I watched his breath slow and his chest stop heaving. And then it clicked again. "You're not jealous of Gally. You're jealous of me." How could I have not seen it before? For months he had paired himself off with Gally every time he got the chance. Even when Gally was injured he suggested they both go off together during the goat fiasco.

And, than the realization really hit me.

When Gally healed it meant that Gally was going to spend less time with him. I had assumed it was because Newt was bummed he wouldn't have someone to relate to. But, it was actually because the boy he liked would have less of a reason to spend time with him.

I was an idiot. A selfish, blind, idiot.

"Newt, I-"

"I told you," his voice was quieter this time. "It's none of your business." 


End file.
